9 Review

By: Chris Akins

Starring: Elijah Wood, Crispin Glover, John C. Reilly
Year: 2009

My Review of the Enid Oklahoma movie theater and the movie 9

Recently I separated from my co-creator Mike and moved to Enid, Oklahoma with my family. This is what's known as making a terrible
decision. Now I'm not here to bash Oklahoma, just one particular aspect of it. I was asked to do a review for Tim Burton's 9, which for several weeks after release, was not playing in Enid. While I was irratated by this fact, it was still understandable because this is such a small town. Then it finally did start showing, I decided to bring a lady friend with me to go see it, because a guy watching an animated movie by himself just screams virgin. So her and I go to the only movie theater in town which is conveniently located right next to a Chick-fil-a in the mall (not only delicious but awesome business strategy). We sit down near the back of the theater and there's not too many people around, so conditions are prime for making a move on her if the movie ends up sucking.

First things first, a group of annoying teenagers sit behind us, which is normal for any movie, but will come into play later. Next thing I noticed was that the movie is on film. Not film as in the term for a movie, but literal film that hasn't been used in theaters in over ten years. I didn't even know new movies came on film! Now, this wouldn't be too big of a problem if the theater wasn't run by the mentally handicapped. The commercials start off upside down and playing in reverse. Now I don't know how to thoroughly explain this, but a Gieco commercial came on, and it sounded like the voice of Satan. Seriously, play that crap backwards one day and it'll freak you the f*** out. After the retard at the projector fixed it (he will now be referred to as Projectard) , I was allowed to enjoy the movie... briefly. About halfway through, Projectard seemingly fell alseep, bumping into the projector and causeing only half the image to appear on screen. This was made all the better by the fact that a big action sequence was taking place. I'd say we sat through about 10 minutes of not knowing what the hell was going on before someone finally decided to wake that f***er (Projectard) up and get the movie back on track. During the period of confusion, those teens in the back (I told you they'd come into play!) started talking a lot and screwing around. Unfortunately, this did not end once the movie was back to normal. I was becoming aggravated, contemplating saying something (I didn't cause I didn't want my ass kicked in front of my lady friend), when all of a sudden, the voices were replaced by different sounds. Now I can't confirm this, but I'm about 85% sure that they began having a threeway back there. There were two girls and a guy (which is the best combination) and they were all slightly below thier seats, moving around a lot, and making what I like to refer to as "The noises". Now at this point I didn't really give a sh** about the movie so I proceeded to follow the crowd by pulling some moves on my friend who was surprisingly turned on by all this. Unfortunately, she wasn't in favor of joining the group in a fiveway.

So all in all, the movie seemed to be pretty good. I'll have to watch it again to be sure. As for the theater, it should be burned to the ground and replaced with a drive in, cause threeways are much less noticable in your car.

 

The Enid Oklahoma movie theater gets a f*cking 1 out of 10 Nerdism Nerds. As for the movie, I wouldn't know. There was a 3-way going on remember.