Jennifer's Body Review
By: Mike Lee
Starring: Megan Fox, J.K. Simmons, Gwyneth Paltrow
Year: 2009
Have you ever watched a movie and had it not starred a certain somebody you would have liked it less? "Jennifer's Body" is one of those movies. Had there not been Megan Fox grabbing other girls boobs or wearing cheerleader uniforms, this movie would be a giant ball of suck.
Megan Fox plays Jennifer, a really f*cking hot high school cheerleader who is mistaken as a virgin and sacrificed by an emo band to Satan himself, so he could make them famous. I guess the whole "selling your soul to the Devil" thing wasn't hardcore enough for these manscara-wearing rockers who sing about trees. The only problem was that Jennifer wasn't a virgin, not even close. She claims in one scene she's not even a "backdoor virgin", which is arguably awesome. So since Jennifer wasn't a virgin her body is taken over by a demon instead of being sent straight to Hell for the Devil's pleasure. This of course sets up the storyline that Jennifer must seduce boys with her lovely "assets" and then devour them, otherwise she would start to look ugly (which is a total overstatement as even when Jennifer is "hideous" she just looks like Megan Fox with pale make-up on).
Besides from Megan Fox, this movie features just a bunch of no-names as stars. The too exceptions are J.K. Simmons (J. Johan Jameson in Spider-man) who is in two or three scenes as a teacher with a hook for a hand, which is pretty cool, and Adrian Brody, who plays the front man of Low Shoulder, which is the band that sacrifices Jennifer's body. Originally it was rumored that Fall Out Boy's bassist, Pete Wentz, was up for the role, which I was excited about because I really like FOB. However, its obvious he never go that role and I think it's for the better as Brody plays a character who's just as suave as he is conceited (something clearly displayed after a tavern quickly burst into flames and the band, Jennifer and her friend are the only ones to survive), something I don't think Pete could've pulled off.
If you are looking for Megan Fox nudity I'm afraid you won't find any. Jennifer takes off her top once, but her hair covers the best parts. But fret not, you still get to see Megan Fox in a cheerleader uniform, a wet dress, quite a few skirts, and in her tiny panties twice, once as she shows of her booty shakin' skills and once more as she kisses her best chick friend (as she "goes both ways") those parts were pretty awesome, but the movie as a whole wasn't that special. At times I could not tell if it was being a serious horror movie or a satire of one, and the only gray area between those is called "a sucky movie", which "Jennifer's Body" narrowly avoids thanks to Megan Fox and her slutty ways.
6 out of 10 Super Scary Serial Killer's Hockey Masks.
