Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review

By: Chris Akins Michael Lee

Starring: Shia Labeouf, Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox
Year: 2009

Hey it's Mike here. I was supposed to write a review of the Transformers sequel, but I'm lazy so I decided to cut and copy Chris' detailed summary from our The 10 Most Badass Children's Movies Of All Time editorial and just make a few changes here or there to things I do not agree with. You can tell what I changed because I struck through Chris' stupid words and wrote my own in red. So now I present you with my review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:

The second installment of the ever popular Transformers series focuses less on story and more on action and immature f*cking hilarious jokes. Our story begins with some huge ass explosions and a really cool part where Optimus Prime Sideswipe cuts a Decepticon down the middle in half (a Michael Bay film). Then we go to Shia LaBeouf packing for college and talking to his unrealistically hot girlfriend Megan Fox. After zooming in on Megan in short shorts (a Michael Bay film), a piece of that cube from the first movie goes off and turns all Shia’s kitchen appliances into death machines. (Note: I know the Autobots wanted the cube to return life to their planet, but what use is it if everything it makes is evil?) So Bumblebee shoots out of the garage (cause that’s how you treat your alien guardian, put him with the lawnmower) and starts blowing everything the f*** up! (Luckily the neighbors are deaf, dumb, and blind.) After saving his life, Shia thinks it’s best to reward his guardian by abandoning him. While at college, Shia’s mother is being ridiculously annoying for the sake of “comedy” entertaining, and Shia is introduced to his roommate who is equally annoying enteraining (comedy). IT’S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE SOMETHINGS BLOWN UP! The Decpticons fall out of space and hit an aircraft carrier creating a HUGH F***ING EXPLOSION! (Michael Bay is pleased.) So the Decepticons go down to the bottom of the ocean with more shards of the cube and awaken Megatron (cause apparently you can just f***ing do that without the cube even being intact). Megatron turns into a space ship and goes back to Cybertron (wasn’t he a plane in the first one? What the f***? He's a triple changer). When he arrives, Starscream is living the good life and Megatron says NAY! Back in charge, he talks to his master, The Fallen (yeah, it’s not the revenge of those who fell in the last movie, it’s a guy whose name is the f***ing Fallen, real original you are f*cking awesome, Hasbro). At both the request of the Fallen and Michael Bay, Megatron goes back to Earth and seriously f***s things up. He and a bunch of Decepticons show up at Shia’s school and try to get him when Optimus shows up! (F*** YEAH!) For some reason they end up in the forest and Optimus beats the hell out of the Decepticons in a totally epic scene, but then Megatron kills him. (NOOOOOO!) The other Autobots show up (great timing!!!) and scare off Megatron. Now Shia must go to Egypt to stop the Fallen from blowing up the sun (I gave up on making sense out of this This makes sense.) and to find a key that may bring Optimus back to life (cause no one just stays f***ing dead in these movies… except Jazz, and we’re all very thankful for that). So a huge battle with lots of explosions and Megan Fox running around takes place and some of the construction Decepticons combine into a HUGE Constructicon! (This is actually what it’s called). In the midst of all the explosions and Michael Bay’s orgasm, Shia gets the key to Optimus and brings him back, but that’s not all! Another Transformer combines with him making him SUPER MEGA AWESOMESS PRIME! (I could seriously see Michael Bay calling him that.) Prime rips the Fallen to pieces and the box office shows us they don’t give a sh** what critics think. (Michael Bay’s director’s cut features all the robots replaced with huge exploding boobs.)

WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: You’re probably wondering why I didn’t use the first movie instead, being that it was a lot better just as enjoyable. The reason is that it was made for kids AND adults. This movie’s use of retarded and unnecessary funny humor was something that could only be enjoyed by the young or mentally ill all. The action was great, but there is no reason and there is reasons why the “twins” needed to exist. It’s like Jazz times two.

WHY IT’S BADASS: This needs no explanation. Huge explosion, robots getting cut in half, Megan Fox’s boobs bouncing around in slow-mo, and Super Mega Awesomeness Prime. Come on.

 

 

5 out of 10 9 out of 10 Nerdism Nerds.