THE 10 MOST BADASS CHILDREN’S MOVIES OF ALL TIME
By: Chris Akins
We all reach that age when suddenly it’s really creepy to go see a kid’s movie in theaters by yourself. Society probably ranks that up there with standing near a playground wearing a trench coat and hat, or driving a windowless van and advertising your surplus of candy in the back. Sure, you may be an ex-Willy Wonka employee who has no idea what to do with his “severance package”, but let’s face it, people just don’t trust Oompa Loompas. Also, people who visit any movie alone generally tend to be creepy by nature. The point is, we forget that a movie doesn’t need to be rated R to be totally awesome. Some of the most kick-ass movies are made specifically for kids.
That in mind, we decided to make this list of movies you might actually want to see with your children. They were chosen, not for being just good movies, but for having action that rivals a Bruce Lee movie (So all you Wall-E fans can suck it). Now movies like Spiderman and X2 were not included for the fact that you don’t have to be a creepy old guy to see it alone, you can just be a nerdy guy who likes comic books. (i.e. everyone who works here). So don’t be angry at the lack of superhero blockbusters or Sci-Fi fantasies, those were clearly aimed at both kids AND adults and therefore, have no place here.
**I actually love Wall-E
#10. HERCULES
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: So Disney tries to take a stab at Greek mythology by making a movie about Zeus’s son (he literally has hundreds that never seem to come up in this movie) Hercules. And they’ve already screwed up. Hercules is Roman, HERACLES was Greek. Way to drop the ball on that one Disney. Anyway, Zeus’s brother Hades decides he doesn’t want this Hercules kid around (presumably because that’s just one more gift he has to remember on Christmas and it’s getting pretty f***ing ridicules). So instead of giving his brother some condoms, he decides to just murder the kid. However, his bumbling demon assistants are incapable of killing a f***ing baby and only manage to suck the godliness out of him. Now that his son is half mortal, Zeus all of a sudden doesn’t really give a sh** about him and lets some peasants take him instead. Hercules grows up to be the world’s strongest man, which is apparently still not good enough for his deadbeat dad who only wants sons who are heroes (I hear Sylar is looking for a new dad). So, trying to earn his daddy’s approval, Hercules sets out on a journey to become the greatest hero in the land, but Hades (in fear of a larger family reunion) decides to stop him. He hires some hooker to get close to Hercules and find his weakness. Turns out, that the hooker is his weakness as he falls madly in love with her. Hades then makes a deal with Hercules to give up his strength in order to save her. With Herc now weak (or human as we like to call it), Hades sends one of his huge monsters to kill him, but instead, it kills the hooker, giving Hercules his strength back and royally pissing him off. He then goes to hell (cause apparently you can just do that) and pulls the hooker out of the River Styx (not the band, the place where souls go) and then throws Hades in. Oh yeah, and somewhere he became a hero and his daddy loves him again.
Thus, doing in less than two hours what Heroes has yet to resolve in four seasons
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: It’s a cartoon made by Disney. Do you need more?
WHY IT’S BADASS: We have a super strong dude fighting giant mythical monsters with a sword, which is pretty good considering he’s the product of inbreeding (yes, Zeus and Hera are brother and sister). There’s an awful lot of murder for children’s flick and oh yeah, the main villain is the Greek version of f***ing Satan. Yeah, we have a fight with the devil in the lower levels of hell in kid’s movie.
And really, what's scarier than James Woods as Satan?
#9. THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: England is getting its ass handed to it by Germany in WW2, so a woman sends her children away to live with an eccentric old man in his huge mansion. Apparently living in luxury isn’t good enough for these brats who constantly wish they could go back to living in a sh*tty cottage. Whilst exploring the house, the youngest finds a huge wardrobe that just happens to open up to the huge winter wonderland that is Narnia. Ignoring the “don’t talk to strangers” rule, the little girl starts up a conversation with a half goat man. Now if the Bible has taught us anything, it’s that half goat people are generally the spawn of the underworld, but she goes back to his little hut anyway. Let’s pause here, an 8-year-old girl follow a strange, scruffy looking man in an area she knows nothing about, back to HIS PLACE. Is there anything wrong with this picture? No? Alright, let’s move on. Her brother also finds himself in this world and instead of goat people, he meets the evil White Witch. She convinces him to bring back the rest of his family so she can totally murder them for being human (cause f*** humans). So he does this and now they’re all screwed because that Witch sent her wolves to kill them (what a bitch). The various little talking animals of the land save them and talk about a mystical lion, who instead of eating the animals, protects them (you hear that kids? Lions are safe to hang out with). Then Santa Claus shows up and gives them all F***ING WEAPONS! With these, the kids lead an army of animal people against the Witch and then the fabled “friendly” lion bites her f***ing face off. There is much rejoicing.
Like the Wizard of Oz on crack.
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: It’s based on a beloved children’s novel and the main characters are a bunch of kids who somehow manage to overthrow an evil empire. No self respecting adult movie would propose a child could do more than screw things up in Jurassic Park, let alone save the world. Also most of the characters are furry talking animals, which suggests that the Looney Toons also could save the world (I pray a Hollywood producer didn’t just read that).
Too late.
WHY IT’S BADASS: So we have more attempted child murder (there seems to be a lot of that in kids movies), a squad of wolf police, monster on monster battles, the good guy f***ing eats the bad guy, and Santa is an arms dealer. Why even ask?
#8. KUNG FU PANDA
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Jack Black is a Panda who works in a noodles store for his father who appears to be a pelican. Yes, that means a pelican had sex with a panda in this universe. Anyway, the creator of kung fu is an old turtle (who is hands down the most awesome character in children’s cinema) and he has a vision that some huge evil cat thing will return and destroy the town and steal the dragon scroll (Why destroy the town if he just wants the scroll? We’re assuming just for the f*** of it). So the turtle gets his friend (the weird squirrel thing) to assemble his finest kung fu students so that he may choose the dragon warrior that is prophesized to defeat the cat thing. Jack Black really wants to see this, so he makes a chair strapped with fireworks to shoot him into the stadium where it’s taking place (yes you read that correctly). It works somehow and he manages to land right in front of the turtle so it thinks that Jack Black must be the dragon warrior. Everyone calls bull sh** and the squirrel promises his students that he will make the Jack Black quit (by the way, I’m not using their names because they’re Asian and I’m not going to even attempt it). So after the squirrel completely dishonors his master by trying to get rid of Jack Black, news comes that the cat thing is almost here. The turtle, who is the only one awesome enough to stop him, dies (NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!). Now it is up to Jack Black, who trains by being tempted with food, (that’s right kids, teach fat people to do things with twinkies) to stop him. But he totally runs away leaving a f***ing squirrel to defend himself against a giant f***ing cat. Awesomeness ensues as they fight, and then when all hope is lost, Jack Black shows up and kills the f*** outta the cat. There is much rejoicing.
A sh*tty photoshoppers interpretation of Jack Black killing the f*** out of cat.
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: Talking animals doing things that animals shouldn’t do. That means it’s a Dreamworks movie, and since it’s also animated, it’s for kids.
WHY IT’S BADASS: The turtle alone is enough to put this movie on the list, but there’s also the fact that some of the fight scenes in this movie are just downright amazing. I mean, in one part, the cat guy dips his hands in blue fire and starts slashing at the squirrel with fire claws! How cool is that?! One thing that this movie is missing, Jack Black playing the guitar. He does it in every other movie he’s in, why stop with one that actually has action?
My guess- He was too busy rocking out with monsters in shroom land.
#7. SMALL SOLDIERS
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Globo-tech is an evil organization that makes weapons for the military and is run by Dennis Leary. In order to make more money (cause that’s what evil organizations do), they start buying toy stores so they can sell death machines to governments and kids. They get to producing super awesome toy soldiers and monsters with advanced AI and life time batteries (why don’t they make these in real life?). However, it turns out putting munitions chips in toys was a bad idea (oh that’s why). Some loser kid, who is a total dick to his nice parents, manages to get a hold of a shipment early for his dad’s store. Normally this would make a father proud, but he apparently thinks all kid’s minds are extremely fragile and refuses to sell war toys (yeah, that means no G.I. Joes, no transformers, and all around sh*tty business plan). The kid (being a dick) tries to sell them anyway, but is unable to due to the level of awesome these toys have. After closing time, the soldiers punch out of their box (how f***ing cool is that?) and start destroying the monsters. But, unlike real monsters, these guys are pussies and they hid in the trash can. When the kid gets back to the store, he bypasses the logical “there must have been a break-in” and immediately jumps to the conclusion that the toys are responsible (which do you think his dad is going to believe?). Upon telling his parents, they think he’s on drugs like any normal parent would think. He becomes furious that they don’t believe him (like a dick, I mean seriously, would anyone believe him?). The soldiers learn that the monsters are hiding out at his place so they start to create weapons, vehicles, and more soldiers (they start putting chips in Barbies, despite the fact that they don’t have any of the animatronics that the soldiers have, and it still f***ing works.) They then launch a war upon the house (the parents probably think they’re on drugs too) and the monsters, now faced with the opportunity to save the humans they needlessly put in harm’s way, hide like cowards. The kid decides the only way to stop them is to create an EMP by exploding a telephone pole, but the dad tries to stop him claiming it’s too dangerous (Really dad? Then you go. No? Then get outta my f***ing way.). So dad steps aside and lets the kid nearly kill himself when the monsters FINALLY show up and kick ass. The EMP kills all the soldiers (but for some reason not the monsters?) and then Dennis Leary shows up and gives everyone millions of dollars. He then says f*** toys for kids, we’ll sell them to the army (Can you imagine the mind f*** the terrorists would have if they were having their ass handed to them by tiny toys?)
Almost as big of mind f*** as getting their ass handed to them by giant, wealthier toys.
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: It was essentially a giant commercial for the toys they sold with the movie (but I have yet to see mine punch its way out of the box). Despite all the action, there is no blood or death , making it “kid-friendly”. And come on, it’s a movie about f***ing toys.
Not these f***ing toys, mind you.
WHY IT’S BADASS: Did you read the summary? It’s got an army of Chuckey’s causing utter destruction with power tools. They once shot flaming CDs out of a toaster! (Easily the coolest thing ever done with a toaster.) They also build a f***ing helicopter that shoots f***ing missiles that they made with f***ing fireworks! Also, just the idea of how they will be used in the army makes me giggle at the possibilities.
#6. AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Okay, this one isn’t technically a movie, it’s a TV show on Nickelodeon. However, it is done very much in the style of a movie, not to mention, there is a TV movie as the series finally, AND they’re making a live action movie of it very soon. Now essentially the premise is: there are four nations based on different elements (water, earth, air, and fire). In these nations, there are a select group who can “bend” these elements and one dude who can bend all four. Then one day the fire nation makes a total dick move (cause you know, fire just HAS to be bad) and attacks ALL of the other nations. (That’s right, who needs allies when your f***ing fire!) So now, some kids in the water nation (which is made of ice instead of in the ocean for some reason) find the one dude who can control all the elements and defeat the fire nation. One problem, he’s f***ing 10 (so they’re pretty much boned). But they decide to train the kid anyway and they embark on a huge quest to save the world (and their family doesn’t really give a sh**). Now I’d go on, but I only saw the first two seasons (after that I realized I was watching Nickelodeon). I can say that there’s some fire dude who’s hell bent on murdering the kids (plus he has an awesome scar on his eye, so you know he’s bad), a whole lot of fighting takes place, and a bunch of people die (which is a pretty bold move by Nick toons). Now I can only make assumptions as to how it ends (cause I don’t feel like going to Wikipedia), but if I were to venture a guess, I’d say the kid finally gets to bone the hot chick he travels with and he defeats the fire nation with a water hose (most logical closure point).
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE SHOW: For the simple fact that it’s on Nickelodeon.
And we all know Nickelodeon can't possibly have anything badass on it, right?
WHY IT’S BADASS: We essentially have a group of superheroes fighting an entire nation of other superheroes, and in addition to the elemental powers, there are also sword fights, and yes, hundreds are killed (on f***ing Nickelodeon).
#5. TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: The second installment of the ever popular Transformers series focuses less on story and more on action and immature jokes. Our story begins with some huge ass explosions and a really cool part where Optimus Prime cuts a Decepticon down the middle in half (a Michael Bay film). Then we go to Shia LaBeouf packing for college and talking to his unrealistically hot girlfriend Megan Fox. After zooming in on Megan in short shorts (a Michael Bay film), a piece of that cube from the first movie goes off and turns all Shia’s kitchen appliances into death machines. (Note: I know the Autobots wanted the cube to return life to their planet, but what use is it if everything it makes is evil?) So Bumblebee shoots out of the garage (cause that’s how you treat your alien guardian, put him with the lawnmower) and starts blowing everything the f*** up! (Luckily the neighbors are deaf, dumb, and blind.) After saving his life, Shia thinks it’s best to reward his guardian by abandoning him. While at college, Shia’s mother is being ridiculously annoying for the sake of “comedy”, and Shia is introduced to his roommate who is equally annoying (comedy). IT’S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE SOMETHINGS BLOWN UP! The Decpticons fall out of space and hit an aircraft carrier creating a HUGH F***ING EXPLOSION! (Michael Bay is pleased.) So the Decepticons go down to the bottom of the ocean with more shards of the cube and awaken Megatron (cause apparently you can just f***ing do that without the cube even being intact). Megatron turns into a space ship and goes back to Cybertron (wasn’t he a plane in the first one? What the f***?). When he arrives, Starscream is living the good life and Megatron says NAY! Back in charge, he talks to his master, The Fallen (yeah, it’s not the revenge of those who fell in the last movie, it’s a guy whose name is the f***ing Fallen, real original Hasbro). At both the request of the Fallen and Michael Bay, Megatron goes back to Earth and seriously f***s things up. He and a bunch of Decepticons show up at Shia’s school and try to get him when Optimus shows up! (F*** YEAH!) For some reason they end up in the forest and Optimus beats the hell out of the Decepticons in a totally epic scene, but then Megatron kills him. (NOOOOOO!) The other Autobots show up (great timing!!!) and scare off Megatron. Now Shia must go to Egypt to stop the Fallen from blowing up the sun (I gave up on making sense out of this) and to find a key that may bring Optimus back to life (cause no one just stays f***ing dead in these movies… except Jazz, and we’re all very thankful for that). So a huge battle with lots of explosions and Megan Fox running around takes place and some of the construction Decepticons combine into a HUGE Constructicon! (This is actually what it’s called). In the midst of all the explosions and Michael Bay’s orgasm, Shia gets the key to Optimus and brings him back, but that’s not all! Another Transformer combines with him making him SUPER MEGA AWESOMESS PRIME! (I could seriously see Michael Bay calling him that.) Prime rips the Fallen to pieces and the box office shows us they don’t give a sh** what critics think. (Michael Bay’s director’s cut features all the robots replaced with huge exploding boobs.)
Lady Gaga must be Michael Bay's wet dream come true.
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: You’re probably wondering why I didn’t use the first movie instead, being that it was a lot better. The reason is that it was made for kids AND adults. This movie’s use of retarded and unnecessary humor was something that could only be enjoyed by the young or mentally ill. The action was great, but there is no reason why the “twins” needed to exist. It’s like Jazz times two.
WHY IT’S BADASS: This needs no explanation. Huge explosion, robots getting cut in half, Megan Fox’s boobs bouncing around in slow-mo, and Super Mega Awesomeness Prime. Come on.
Essentially my wet dream.
#4. HARRY POTTER (THE ENTIRE SERIES)
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: I found myself sitting at my desk staring blankly at the screen wondering which Harry Potter was most badass. After careful consideration, I finally said f*** it and decided to do all of them. Now you may be thinking, how could this children series of a boy wizard possibly be that awesome? Well consider a few things: the series starts off with the kids parents being brutally murdered in front of him (yes that makes him the batman of wizardry). He gets taken from his home without the consent of his guardians to a school with more death traps than Jigsaw’s playhouse. After killing his teacher who was being controlled by the dark wizard Voldemort (so in reality he murdered a man who was being controlled beyond his free will), it turns out that this dark wizard is trying to return again. This time however, he’s using a giant snake who can kill people by looking at them. Harry sees no difference in whoever helps Voldemort and kills the snake by shoving a sword through its skull (possibly bringing an endangered species to extinction). The next year he’s assaulted by creatures who can suck out your f***ing soul and a werewolf who can kill the f*** out of you. He also saves his godfather from the soul suckers using time travel (THAT HE NEVER USES AGAIN DESPITE THE MANY DEATHS FOLLOWING THIS MOVIE). Year 4 at the school that I am now convinced is designed to kill children focuses primarily on a competition where kids are put in the ring to defend themselves against f***ing dragons. Everyone is shocked when a boy dies (could this competition possibly be dangerous?), though instead of the dragons, he’s killed by the dark wizard himself (great opportunity for time travel).Back to death school next year, nobody believes the kid was killed by Voldemort. Instead they think it was Harry’s godfather and for some reason, they think the school’s headmaster Dumbledore wants to take over the ministry of magic (most likely because he’s a homosexual). So they ban practicing magic in the school. Yeah, in a school of wizardry and magic, magic is forbidden. That’s like the military not being able to use weapons. Harry knows that Voldemort will slaughter all these kids who don’t know magic, so he teaches it himself (cause a 15 year old is an expert on fighting the most powerful wizard in the world… that’s not a joke, he totally is). Anyway, Voldemort shows up with his crew and starts capping mother f***ers (with magic!) including Harry’s godfather, but now everyone knows he’s back. (Did I mention that was a perfect opportunity for time travel?) Now we reach year 6, where everyone is trying to get laid and Voldemort is still capping (see Nerdism Comics; The Half Blood Price Review). In the midst of all this Dumbledore finds out Voldemort’s weakness (only took him six years) and takes Harry to help him collect the items keeping Voldemort alive. Ass-kickery ensues as Dumbledore starts fighting an undead army, but is murdered shortly after by an emo teacher. Tune in next year for book seven!!!!
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: Despite being based on a children’s series of books and the first two movies being obviously for kids, I really don’t know. Once we hit book three it’s all dark and depressing (meaning awesome). But it’s still a children’s book, and Hermione is still just 16 in the story (but legal in life).
All this Ass-kickery can be summed up by this one picture of an 18 year old playing a 16 year old. (Fake or not, you know you're interested)
WHY IT’S BADASS: Murder, giant three-headed dog, giant spiders, giant snakes, soul takers, werewolves, dragons, mass murder (different than murder), army of undead, and the Darth Vader equivalent of wizards. I’d go on, but there are quite a few movies here.
#3. STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Not to be confused with the awesome TV show that came on with Samurai Jack just before Adult Swim, this was a movie to launch the new TV show of the same name. While it is nowhere near as good, that doesn’t mean its bad (it’s just hard to compete with pure epicness). This movie tells the tale of Anakin and his previously unknown padawan (cause he’s clearly emotionally stable enough to handle that). This could only be an animated movie based on the fact that it’s about them trying to rescue Jabba the Hutt’s baby, who is a pain in the neck (actually in retrospect, the idea is no more kiddy than Episode One). This would be a walk in the park if it weren’t for lamest sith ever (Count Dooku) and his freakishly ugly female apprentice (cause apparently everyone had these apprentices all along). The reasoning for saving baby hutt is so that Jabba will allow the Republic passage by his planet, which is supposedly a vital route in winning the war (What they failed to realize is that they have an infinite supply of troops and Jabba has like 20 dudes at his disposal. Did they really need his permission?). Well apparently the bad guys want the same thing (EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE AN INFINATE SUPPLY OF DROIDS AND ARE FREAKING EVIL ALREADY! I mean seriously! Luke, a blind Han Solo, Chewy, and a half naked princess beat this dude with their hands tied behind their back, literally!), so Darth Tyrannous (or Darth Tyrannosaurus as I like to call him) sends his horrible CHUD of an apprentice to retrieve the baby before Obi-Wan and Anakin can.
The similarities are subtle, but there.
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: Unlike the rest of the Star Wars movies, this one was designed purely for the purpose of launching the new Clone Wars CGI show on the Cartoon Network. The mood is set more lighthearted and optimistic than in any of the other films and besides the clones (and who cares about those guys anyway?) no body dies. This was very confusing to me as I have never heard of Anakin’s apprentice before this movie and there isn’t that big a gap between this one and Episode three, which doesn’t even mention her. Obviously she got deaded in this short amount of time (which shows how good of a master the so called “chosen one” is) and this movie was too kiddy to show that.
WHY IT’S BADASS: This movie is surprisingly pretty epic. It certainly beats the hell out of Episode 1 and 2 (except for the ending of 2; when Yoda pulled out a lightsaber, I nearly crapped my pants). The action is fairly solid, even for Star Wars. The lightsaber battles were more frequent than in any other movie (except 3, cause Anakin just goes f***ing saber happy in that one) and there’s one scene where a battle takes place on a horizontal cliff face. I’m not even going to point out how illogical this is as they have the ability to fly, because of how awesome it is to watch AT-OTs scale a wall surrounded by explosions is (Yes I do know what those clone wars walkers are called and I’m not ashamed of it.)
#2. 9
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Anybody who has seen the movie iRobot knows the background to this story, as well as the future of the Apple corporation (Come on people, the robots in those movies just looked like iPods with arms and legs. They were even called iRobots! The future has been foretold!). For those of you who have not seen this documentary sent back in time from the 2030’s, the basic premise to 9 is this: a crazy old scientist created a race of sentient robots, that the government wants to use for war (can’t they ever just use things to bring smiles and rainbows to the world?). The robots go nutso and kill every living thing on the planet (take your kids to see this one!). Before he is murdered by killer robots, the scientist divides his soul into 9 different sack people, all with different personalities, indicating a severe case of multiple personality disorder (which one made the robots psychotic?). The last one made whose name is simply 9, finds a weird trinket on the corpse of his creator and decides to go for a walk in the barren wasteland. There, he meets up with 2 and totally gets him kidnapped by a robo-cat thing (Oh no! the villain from Kung Fu Panda was rebuilt as a terminator!). This pisses of the rest of the sack people so he goes to rescue 2 from the catbot. He actually manages to do this but this accidently uses that trinket to turn on a bigger machine that sucks out 2’s f***ing soul! (robot Dementors as well? Were they looking at my list of awesomeness?) The rest of the movie consists of the sack people trying to stand a chance against a giant f***ing robot, and somewhere the song Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria is played (which is really the only reason I went to see this movie).
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: I have no idea. This movie is dark, awesome, and kind of depressing. The only thing it’s got going for it is that it’s animated and doesn’t have sexual content (And for good reason. Do you seriously want to see sack people porn… AAHHHHH! Damn you rule 34!)
Luckily, Little Big Planet has all your sack people penis needs.
WHY IT’S BADASS: Aside from the totally epic (and totally true) background story, some of the acts committed by certain sack people can only be described as ninja. Especially the chick (why there was a chick when all of them came from pieces of an old man’s soul, I don’t know. Just accept her for her badassery.) This movie also takes two badass things from other movies on this list and turns them into robots. Win? I think so.
#1. THE INCREDIBLES
WHAT IT’S ABOUT: In a world full of superheroes (don’t you just love it already!), Mr. Incredible is the top dog of supers. But when he rescues a man trying to commit suicide, he is sued (comedy gold. If you think I’m going to criticize this movie then move to the next one. Oh wait, you can’t, this is numbah 1 BIOTCH!). After this, a precedent is set and eventually, supers are sued to the point where the government outlaws them (Watchmen for kids? Hell yes). Now Mr. Incredible is a normal family man with the wife and kids who all have F***ING SUPER POWERS! His life is dull until he receives an opportunity to be a hero again by working for a private corporation on an island. I really hate spoiling this movie for anyone who has never seen it and since I have no criticism for it, forgive me for stopping here. I will say that there are several super hero battles involving giant robots, really cool gadgets, and Samuel L. Jackson (admit it, you just orgasmed when you saw Samuel L. Jackson in that).
My super suit is the one that says, "BAD MOTHER F***ER"
WHY IT’S CONSIDERED A KIDS MOVIE: It’s an animated Pixar movie involving kids beating the crap out of adults, which we already established, gains an automatic kid label. However, it’s understandable that these kids kick ass as they are super, and even still, it’s realistic in that they still have difficulty with the adult henchmen.
WHY IT’S BADASS: Not only is this the best animated movie of all time (in my opinion, which is law), it’s also one of my favorite movies in general. In all honesty, there’s nothing in this movie that isn’t badass. If you haven’t seen it, buy it. If you’ve only rented it, buy it. And if you already own it, buy it again. If you ignore these commands, Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you through the computer screen (seeing as the movie was made from his pure essence).
He's waiting for you to f*** up.
Chris Akins is a writer for Nerdism Comics, and was forced to write something funnier than the guy who usually does it. You can write to him at Nerdismcomics@yahoo.com
