15 Blue Characters Cooler Than The Aliens In Avatar
By: Michael Lee
Let me state, first off, that I have not yet seen Avatar. I've heard it's amazing yet James Cameron's constant "I'm the best f*cking movie director in the world" pompous douchebaggary is making it hard for me to actually get up and go see it. The only problem I believe I have with what I've seen of this movie is these f*cking blue cat-men. James Cameron was in charge of Aliens. He was in charge of Terminator. I'm pretty sure he could've came up with something a little more badass than a blue version of the Garfield CGI massacre for his most revolutionary film yet. The concept art looked pretty cool, but these creatures look f*cking ridiculous. So I've set out to find cooler looking cerulean characters, for I know there were quite a many to choose from. I've narrowed down to the most badass and influential blue men ( In no particular order... and no, the Blue Man Group isn't a part of this at all).
1) The Cookie Monster
Never before has an addiction ever been so educational. "C is for cookie" is probably the only thing the Cookie Monster has ever taught any of us, that and bad eating habits, but he's just too damn lovable to not be one of Sesame Street's regulars. So why does Cookie deserve a top spot on our best blue characters list? Well recently Cookie's sweet tooth was ripped from his jaws by the dentist from Hell or politically correct TV execs as they like to be called. The newly dubbed "Veggie Monster" now only ate cookies sparingly, as vegetables were his new go to food. But within a few short months, Cookie said "F*CK IT!" and ate his own weight in cookies, all while avoiding diabetes. So congrats Cookie Monster, for kicking that f*cking veggie bug with style and vengeance.
2) Cobra Commander
I'm pretty sure Cobra Commander is the only person alive who can pull off a blue KKK outfit and not seem racist (after all, he hates all humans equally). Cobra has a rich, extremely detailed history, most of which involves genetic experiments, cosmic vandalization, and soldier killing pestering. You see, not once was he ever successful in killing a G.I. Joe nor any other American citizen. But he at least he tried to murder with style, whether that involved cloned dinosaurs or giant amoebas. This persistence earns Cobra a spot on our list of badass blue dudes, and you never know, being on this list may boost Cobras morale to give world domination one last, hysterical shot.
3) Mystique
What's better than a naked blue woman? Not a damn thing! Well, I'm sure there are things but for the sake of this argument naked blue women is what Heaven is made of. Mystique is a shape shifter, which automatically makes her awesome since if you're not happy with a naked blue Rebecca Romijn she can turn into a naked not-so-blue Jessica Alba for your pleasure. So what's the catch? Naked blue babes that can turn into other naked babes seems to good to be true? Well, the only possible downside is that she's a supervillain/assassin and is possibly over 100 years old, which to us optimists just means she kicks a whole lotta ass all while maintaining that GMILF status.
4) Road Runner
The Coyote & Roadrunner shorts were possibly the best Loony Tunes shorts. It's plot was so simple yet so perfect. Coyote is hungry for Road Runner. He buys explosives/rockets/any other Acme products that normally one couldn't legally obtain... Oh, and/or paint. Coyote attempts to use them on The New Mexican state bird. Coyote fails miserably and more than likely dies. Coyote returns from the grave hungry once more for Road Runner. Sadly, we all wanted Coyote to catch the bird, but we also knew it was impossible as this f*cking bird defies every law of physics there is. Beep Beep motherf*cka.
5) The Tick
"SPOOOOOOON!" The Drama Flakes-eating, bus stop protecting Tick is possibly one of the most important pop culture figures of the nineties. Fighting off such evil as The Seed or The Chainsaw Vigilante, with super strength, nigh-invulnerability, and "Drama-Power" The Tick is essentially an arachnid-inspired Superman. Well, ya know, if Superman was insane. The animated series is probably my most fond television memories as a five year old (along with the Power Rangers of course) and there would be many of times I would choose to watch it over many other super hero cartoons like "Superman" and "Spider-Man". Essentially, take the ass kickery of Batman and mix it with the good-hearted hilarity of Spongebob Squarepants and you have The Tick!
6) Mega-Man
Megaman is like geek squad. He defeats viruses and the works of crazy teenage hackers, but instead of using snazzy white and black Volkswagons and the computer manuals, Mega-man uses guns. Guns that replace his hand. Like Ash from the Evil Dead. Hell, all you have to do is replace the Robot Masters with Deadites and you'd have yourself an 8-bit Evil Dead game, if Bruce Campbell dressed up as a Power Ranger and he shot the undead in a pixelized Cloud City.
7) Boo Berry
Out of the Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo Berry, the latter obviously reigns supreme. Why? Well, can you name another BLUEBERRY FLAVORED CEREAL? No! You can't. Don't even try. There are hundred of chocolate cereals. Cocoa Pebbles, Cocoa puffs, Cocoa Rice Crispies. Other strawberry cereals, while not as prominent, also exist. Fruit Loops and Fruity Pebble have both had their own special edition strawberry flavored varieties. You just can't find Blue Berry cereal. Even worse, it's getting harder to find Boo Berry cereal. Only around Halloween does the delicious blue breakfast treats appear then they disappear
8) Doctor Manhattan
Rarely is there a character so badass that you don't care if his giant blue schlong is hanging out for everybody to see. Doctor Manhattan is that badass. Aside from fighting giant alien squids and exploding Charlie in the Vietnam War, Dr. Manhattan enjoys long walks on Mars, giving people cancer (allegedly), and having threesomes with himself. Any ladies interested should inform him now, cause once you get older he's just gonna toss you to the side for the next young, hot thing.
9) Inky
If anything, Inky is one of the greatest video game heroes of the 20th Century. He along with his 3 colorful siblings try time after time to stop the pill popping Pac-man from popping pills. By today's standards, they're like a more badass yet lovable version of the cops in GTA. They're only trying to do what's right, a luckily, they succeed. Pac-man never wins. You can look it up. on the 256th level, he just can't take it any more and dies, leaving Inky and the crew victorious. Three cheers for drug busting ghosts!
10) Soundwave
Does your giant, transforming, alien robot kill other giant, transforming, alien robots while playing music? No? Well, Soundwave can. Who knew Soundwave would've become one of the most badass and respected characters out of the "Transformers" cartoon when he was conceived back in the mid 80's as a robot who transforms into a music playing device fast track on it's way to becoming obsolete? Well, the second the audience heard his vocoded voice of doom and saw him shoot out f*cking robot bats and birds from his chest, everybody knew. Also, making him a cassette player was nothing short of marketing genius.
11) Squirtle
Pokemon is by far one of the most important things in the lives of kids who grew up in the nineties. It's a shame that it has fallen into nerdy obscurity, as it was an amazing f*cking game, probably the best handheld game of the past twenty years, though I can't say I helped the cause as I would never admit to liking it growing up and still have problems admitting my nonstalgia for it in public. But I digress so I can speak to you of Squirtle, possibly the first Pokemon one would ever meet depending on their stater choice. While there are a ton of blue Pokemon, Squirtle gets the pick as he's the original water starter, evolves into a giant turtle with hydro canons implanted into his shell, and has moved on to bigger and better things by being featured in Super Smash Bros Brawl. Also, in the cartoon Squirtle had his own gang and wore sunglasses, which everybody knows makes you the coolest.
12) The Smurfs
Chris said he was going into "Avatar" thinking of it as "Smurfs: the Movie". A recent episode of South Park also made this comparison. Think about it. Blue woodland creatures who use the local animals for transportation and fights off humans every now and again. However, I am going to have to give the Smurfs the win for this one as, well, it's the f*cking smurfs. They're a classic, Like the Jetsons and Yogi Bear. Besides, you can step on a field of mushrooms and imagine you are destroying the world of ten-foot tall blue cat aliens. Just not as enjoyable.
13) Caboose
This one is on here for all the Machinima fans like myself. Caboose a new recruit for the Blood Gulch Blue Team, a group of soldiers engaged in a futuristic civil war against the Red Team in the Rooster Teeth production; Red Vs. Blue. Blue Team, Red Team? Original, I know. However, what Red Vs Blue lacks in originality (something that it actually has a lot of) it makes up for in humor, most of which is derived from this stupid son of a gun.
14) Sonic The Hedgehog
I would go on about how badass Sonic is but we have an upcoming Nerd War involving The Blue Blur, therefore I'm hoping this picture distracts you from the lack of article...
15) R2-D2
Okay, so maybe Artoo is more white than blue, but we needed at least one Star Wars character on this list. It like the law of listdom. Look it up. Artoo has survived attacks on giant moon sized-death machines, swamp planets and the marsh monsters thereof, sail barges filled with hundreds of bounty hunters as well as the green abortion of Bruce Vilanch and Rosie O'Donnell, and three movies that involves Hayden Christensen and/or that kid from "Jingle All The Way". Congrats R2-D2, for being the ballsiest robot in the galaxy.
Michael Lee is a writer for Nerdism Comics, and blah, blah, blah. You don't read these anyways.. You can write to him at Nerdismcomics@yahoo.com
