5: The Vehicle: Dekotora

Why is It Awesome?:

The Dekora is basically a mobile Japanese billboard, outfitted with blinding lights, polished parts, and a flamboyant paint job. I'm pretty sure if this thing could transform into an Autobot, he'd be a gayer one than Wheelie. Actually, he already looks like a gay Optimus Prime in vehicle mode, so comparing him to Wheelie is probably overkill. Now I'm not saying we at Nerdism endorse pedophiles, but if you are one, this is the truck for you. Granted, not here in America, cause this would stick out like a sore thumb, but if you're a pedophile in Japan, then this is the truck for you. Much like a van with "FREE CANDY" written on the side, these glamorized vehicles are guaranteed to attract children. Now that I think about it, this makes for a good argument on why this isn't an awesome vehicle. So let me rephrase what makes this vehicle rad: it's a freaking GLOWING truck! It literally looks like Las Vegas on wheels, and who wouldn't want that?

4: The Vehicle: Iron Wolf Truck

Why Is It Awesome?:

Made by a group of Moscow bikers, this weird truck is called “Iron Wolf”. Wait, did I just call it a weird truck?Because this is obviously really freakin sweet! It looks like something right out of Stephen King's Maximum Overdrive, and I'm pretty positive it could kick the ass of Green Goblin truck. Now if you're wondering why bikers rebuilt the cab of an 18-wheeler to look like a long lost cousin of a peice of Voltron, then you can join the club, cause I want to know too. Maybe they actually are planning on assembling a communist biker Voltron. Or maybe bikers up in Russia drive transfer trucks instead of motorcycles since it's so cold up there, and the Russian word for truck driver is the English word for biker, by some crazy chance. Who knows? Maybe theyre just f*cking badass and that's the only reason bikers need to create and drive a demon dog 18-wheeler? Either way, shut the f*ckup Tim Allen. You're not a biker.

 

3: The Vehicle: The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile

Why Is It Awesome?:

Everybody's familiar with the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. What started as Carl Mayer's cheap 1936 truck turned into one of the most awesome vehicles found on the road today. Did you know that as of 2004, the Wienermobile has been updated tons of times, with the latest update including a voice activated GPS navigation device, an audio center with a wireless microphone, and a horn that plays the Wiener Jingle in 21 different genres from Cajun to rap to Bossa Nova? I didn't even know that Cajun was a music genre! Thank you Wienermobile. You've taught me something. Something I certainly would not have learned from my mother's Toyota Camry. But wait! Since when is learning awesome? Well ever since the drivers of the Wienermobile (known as Hotdoggers) hand out toy whistles shaped as replicas of the Wienermobile, known as Wienerwhistles along with that knowledge. That's right kids! Now you can take home your very own wiener to blow! But wait, there's more! Did you know that the Wienermobile is banned in Hawaii! This hot-dog-on-a-bun is temporarily banned from an entire state! Now I wish I could tell you a really badass reason it's banned (instead of the fact that Hawaii doesn't allow mobile advertisement, which the Wienermobile is) so I'll just make up one! Did you know Michael Bay has a secret list of "sh*t he feels needs to be blown up"? Well he does. What's on that list you ask? Well, The Hoover Dam, The Pyramids of Giza, A huge asteroid about the size of Texas, and the Wienermobile. What do all these things have in common? They are not located anywhere near Hawaii. What else does all those things except the Wienermobile have in common? Michael Bay has already blown them up in one way or another, and Hawaii wants nothing to do with him accomplishing the destruction of the last item on that list. However, it has just occured to me that the Wienermobile is a Chevy, which almost every autobot in the Michael Bay film series is. So hey, expect Michael Bay to cast Cliffjumper as the hotdog car in his the third Transformers movie. Also, you can expect it to blow the f*ck up.

 

2: The Vehicle: Liebherr T 282B

Why Is It Awesome?:

Do you see that picture? This is the world's LARGEST vehicle! It weighs 203 tons empty, has a maximum operating weight of 592 tons, and can carry around 365 tons! A normal car is two tons! a blue whale is 190 tons! It could carry them both, at the same time! Hell, you could throw over 600 tigers onto that thing while the blue whale and car is still on it and this mother f*cker would carry it! Or how about 18 T-rexs, 4 tigers, and a blue whale? It can do it! How about we won't even include the blue whale since I'm sure the last thing you'd want to be driving around in your big ass truck are aquatic mammals? So now let's say you just wanna carry 60 T-rex's in the back. You can do it! You can open up f*cking Jurassic Park in the back of this truck! Can you say that about the Chevy Avalanche parked in your drive way? I think not. Badassary noted.

1: The Vehicle: Killdozer

Why Is It Awesome?:

This truck is a Komatsu D335A bulldozer outfitted with armor plating over the cabin and engine. The armor in some places was over a foot thick and had concrete between sheets of steel, making it pretty much unstoppable. The tank was also outfitted with onboard cameras and monitors in the cabin so Marvin Heemeyer, it's creator, could see where he was going. The inside was made nearly airtight to resist a potential gas attack and had air conditioning, food, water and life support. Outside, the bulldozer had .50 caliber semi-automatic rifle mounted on the back, and three other semi-automatics mounted elsewhere. Heemeyer took his f*cking death machine out for a spin on June 2, 2004 by plowing through an ENTIRE F*CKING TOWN! The bulldozer, which came to be known as the Killdozer since that really is the only appropriate name for it, was hit with over 200 rounds of ammunition and three small explosions that barely left a scratch on it. Granted, the Killdozer's engine eventually quit on this poor guy, leaving him with two options: suicide or arrest, choosing the former as the best way of going out of this rampage, he blew his brains out and left the police with a huge mess of a city to clean up.