The Twelve Best Pairs Of Boobs In Comic Book History
By: Michael Lee
This editorial came about as I was pondering through my All Star Batman & Robin The Boy Wonder comic series and noticed quite a few buxom beauties throughout the pages, though this is no surprise as it is a Frank Miller comic. I wondered to myself, in a non-perverted and totally work-related way, just who does have the nicest chest in the all of comic-dom. Many of you reading this may be asking the question already "Biggest breasts in comics? But wait, every rack in comic books is drawn in massive proportions, how could you choose?". Well surprisingly, there are quite a many flat-chested comic book ladies, like Spider-Girl, The Silk Spectre II, and Supergirl. Also, there are quite a bit of super-heroines whose most attractive feature isn't actually their bosom, like Wonder Woman, who's all about the tush. While I can't just choose one set of sweater puppies as the greatest, I can put together a list of those with tits I feel deserving of recognition. However, this is a comic character only list, therfore only characters who orignated in comics will be featured here, which means no Laura Croft or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So here it is, the 12 best pairs of boobs in comics book history:
1) Invisible Woman
You can't say Invisible Woman doesn't got it going on. While most times her not-as-huge-as-most-superheroine-but-still-really-perky assets are hidden by her Fantasic Four jumpsuit (which can still be sexy as seen in the first FF movie) she can really shine when she slips into something a tad more revealing, Like her modified uniform shown above. It's a shame that the Invisible woman's superpower happens to be hiding those nice curves of hers. And you have to admit, even though she was a pretty bad Sue Storm, Jessica Alba was really great to look at in the FF film series.
2) Spider-Woman
Jessica Drew is a Brit who was poisoned at a young age by radiation and was given a serum of radiated spider blood for reasons that have nothing to do with her chest, which is why you are here.
She is also a member of the New Avengers, which also has nothing to do with her juggs. Really, iI'd be surprised if anybody actually made it to reading this far seeing how it is nothing but a page full of rather largely drawn fun bags.
3) Emma Frost
When Emma Stone's around her skin won't be the only thing that turns as hard as diamonds. ...Okay, I've offically run out of things to say as that was my only joke for this particular chracter and her massive mammaries.
Ps: Personally, and maybe this is just because I have more of a thing for blondes than redheads, I prefer Emma Stone over Jean Grey anyday.
4) Catwoman
Believe it or not, Batman doesn't always win his fights. Yes I know it's sad to hear, but it's true. However, he does have a good reason and a good portion of the time that reason is Catwoman and her purrr-fect melons (yes I know that was a bad pun; I'm just as ashamed as you are). Batman may have batarangs, grappling guns, a bullet-proofsuit, Batpods, Batmobiles, Batplanes, kryptonite rings, a swarthy cape, and bat-shark repellent but Catwoman has big boobs, therefore she wins even when she loses.
5) Jungle Girl
Jungle Girl is a comic book published by Dynamite Entertainment (had to get one non-Marvel/DC on here at least). If you can't tell by the title, Jungle girl is about a girl who lives in a jungle, wearing nothing more than a bikini too small for her made from leopard skin. Also, the jungle is populated by dinosaurs, prehistoric beasts and cavemen. So those are two reasons right there you should be reading this comic. Her Wikipedia page gives me very little info except that so umm... Just enjoy another picture of her rather nice curves.
6) She-Hulk
Want to know something that bothers me quite a bit? Why do thousands of people complain about the realism of comics when Bruce Banner transforms into the Incredible Hulk and his pants are barely ripped, but when Jennifer Walters goes Hulk nobody complains that her shirt rips everywhere but around her hooters? If anything, her shirt should probably rip the most around her chest as I'm sure her top couldn't hold those suckers in as big as they get. I'd rather see She-hulk burst out of her top than I would the Hulk lose his pants and I'm sure every comic geek feels this way. Somebody should get on that.. Anyways, back to the topic. For a green chick, She-Hulk's pretty darn attractive. Also, for those of you who believe... actually, to anyone who even thinks Megan Fox should play She-Hulk, can you really picture her as a lawyer? There, now the rumors are settled.
7) Witchblade
Although epic events chronicling the battles between the forces of light and darkness appear to be a common feature in most modern comics, Witchblade has one thing that sets her apart... A really revealing outfit. I don't read this comic, I'll admit that. But I probably should based on this one cover alone. Also, the series has apparently had cross overs with Lara Croft Tomb Raider and The Justice League Of America (keep in mind this isn't a Marvel/DC comic either, but a Top Cow production which is a branch off of Image). Also, there is a Witchblade movie in production which is rumored to be starring Megan Fox. You'd think I'd be sick of her by now, but nope. Megan's got it going on (she just can't be a lawyer. Duh.)
8) Ms. Marvel
Instead of writing a summary about Ms. Marvel's lady lumps I'll just post a comment left on Marvel.com's forums by a comic geek who clearly has to disprove another geek's statement with his own bit of Ms. Marvel continuity:
"I think you know full well that Ms. Marvel does not wear a bra at all. In the Brood saga in Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum (circa 1982), one of the powers aquired by Carol when she became Binary was the cosmic ability for her ta-tas to forever defy gravity (see Frankie Raye Nova). To protect her civilian identity, Carol often will wear a bra to "throw off" those that might try to connect her with Ms. Marvel; however, even in these instances, if she were to pad said lacy lovliness she would look as disproportionate as Angelina Jolie did in the first TOMB RAIDER film."
That my friends, is why Ms marvel diserves to be on this list.
9) Storm
Storm is one of the most frequently used X-men and I don't see why not. After all, she can manipulate weather, which is an extremely kick ass power. That and the fact that she has an amazing rack. But don't think she's an easy squeeze. Oh no. Not only is she smart but shes also fiesty. Oh, and married, which may cause problems down the line. Especially since her husband is the Black Panther A.K.A. the king of Wakanda. But hey, what's hotter than an African queen with nice juggarnauts? (Probably a single African queen with nice juggarnauts)
10) Outlaw
Never before have I seen a shirt so dead-on. Outlaw is a character from the Deadpool comics, which as everybody should know by now is my favorite comics character. She's badass, responsible, and has some of the most ridiculously oversized knockers I've ever seen. If the hilarity/badassary that is Deadpool is not enough to get you to read this comic series, let Outlaw be your reason to start. Though I do have some unfortunate news, those massive milk bags of hers are actually filled with silicon. ...Actually, since when is that really bad news?
11) Mary Jane Watson
Not every girl with big bazoombas has to have super-powers you know. Case in point, Mary Jane Watson, Spidey's supermodel wife (f*ck anybody who says otherwise. As far as I'm concerned the "One Last Day" storyline never took place). Tell me that "Spider-man 3" Would Not have been ten times better had Kirsten Dundst wore that barely fitting green bikini throught the whole movie! Even though I had previously stated in this article that I'm not really into redheads, I'm pretty sure I would take Mary Jane over any other girl in this article. Sometimes I actually wish Mary Jane did have some sort of powers so we could see her catfight with the Invisible Woman or Ms. Marvel; how cool would that be? (Actually, with the way Marvle has been f*cking up their comics lately I wouldn't be surprised if Mary Jane getting powers isn't developed into a future storyline)
12) Powergirl
Looks as if I was saving the best for last. As if any comic would be surprised by this. Every comic book nerd should think powergirl when they hear something about ridiculously unrealistic breast in the comic book world. That's her trademark. Powergirl is essentially Supergirl, just with some pretty extreme chest pillows. And they don't vary from artist to artist either, Powergirl ALWAYS has a large bust and she sports it out of the cleavage window in her costume. For years, many fans have wondered what purpose that cleavage window actually has andquite recently we got one along the lines of "she has a whole in her heart that she's always trying to fill" or some sh*t like that. We all know the real reason and thats to show off her massive milk guns and sell the comic to horny teenage boys. Is there a problem with this? I don't see one and I'm pretty sure for the sake of your heterosexuality you shouldn't either.
Honorable Mention: Lady Deadpool
Not much is known about this character. She was just revealed as part of a 2010 line of Deadpool Comics: "The Deadpool Corps." But really, cwhat's better than a female version of Deadpool, with blonde hair and huge knockers?
Michael Lee is a writer for Nerdism Comics, and never knew there were so many euphemisms for breasts. You can write to him at Nerdismcomics@yahoo.com
