20) KICK-ASS THE MOVIE

So how about we start off this list of kickass movie posters with the actual Kick-Ass movie poster. This movie comes out later this year, and while I havn't read the comic, Chris has and says it's excellent. Plus, any movie that features McLovin as it's villain can't be too bad!

 

19) PUNISHER: WAR ZONE

As far as I'm concerned, this was the only good thing to come out of this movie. It was the teaser poster and got me pretty hyped. I mean, the Punisher trademark skull made out of bullet holes? Perfect! Unfortunately, it just went down hill from there.

 

18) SECRETARY

I haven't seen this movie, and I probably won't. But the "Assume the position" tag line really works with this poster.

 

17) EL SUPERHOMBRE

I've never really appreciated Superman. He was always to invulnerable for me too care about. Plus, he never really had any cool villains. So how could Superman get any lamer? Well, make him Mexican I suppose. Now I don't mean to offend anyone, but seriously, you have a Spanish Man of Steel, a superhero who was faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and the only awesome thing you could show him doing is bursting through paper? Well, I suppose if this was hanging on a wall, it would appear if Superhombre was busting through that wall, but at the moment it's hanging on our web site, and it's just douchey to burst through a couple of kid's web comic site.
(By the way, even though this is copyrighted in like the 30's, I'm still convinced they stole the Superhombre idea of Chris and I)

 

16) STAR WARS

So this is an extremely awesome poster. Though, the fact that Leia is practically dry humping her brother's leg can't allow me to rank it any higher.

 

15) MISSING IN ACTION

Chuck Norris. With a machine gun. And a helicopter practically exploding in the background. That's right. Chuck Norris doesn't need to use his weapons, heck, he doesn't even have to look at the helicopter, and it explodes out of sheer fear. Let's move on.

 

14) THE ROCKETEER

This poster is just flat out beautiful. Never mind the fact that the main focus point is an awesome rocket man.

 

13) FORBIDDEN PLANET

Okay, from what I've gathered, this movie isn't about any giant robots kidnapping scantily clad babes. Darn, but hey, at least Lesie Neilson is in this, so it can't be that bad.

 

12) THE CARS THAT EAT PEOPLE

All I can say is "WHY THE F*CK HAVE I NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE?!" This poster just screams B-movie badassary!

 

11) GODZILLA VS MEGALON

Once again, another movie I haven't seen. All though, I have seen many, many Godzilla movies in my younger years, so I may have seen this one, and I just don't remember it. But come to think of it, if I did see a giant drill/beetle hybrid fighting the King of Monsters atop of the Twin Towers, I probably wouldn't have forgotten it.

 

10) KILLER CONDOM

At first I couldn't believe this was a real movie. Then I saw where it was a Troma film, therefore the only good thing from this movie has to be it's poster.

9) JAWS

So this is just a classic. A giant shark about to devour a swimming naked chick. This is easily one of the most recognizable movie posters ever.

 

8) UNE VIERGE CHEZ LES MORTS VIVANTS

So I don't know what the translation of this movie's title in English is, but I think the Spanish actually adds to the creepiness of this poster. Granted it took me about 15 minutes to realize this poster was even in Spanish since well, I'm a 16 year old boy and there is a naked blonde on the computer screen in front on me.

 

7) ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES

Two monkeys f*cking on the moon. Which explains why they wanted to escape from their plant I suppose.

 

6) THE CRAZIES

This movie poster has always been one of my favorites, so I guess this was more of an opinionated choice. Still, Lime green, burnt orange, black, and white make a very cool color scheme, and the gas-masked exterminator is just creepy as he stares you down.

 

5) BATMAN

This is the poster for the original Adam West Batman movie, which after the two Chris Nolan Batman films, is easily my favorite movie about the Caped Crusader. It's lovably cheesy, with giant bombs and Bat-shark repellent, and this poster with a pathetically miscolored batsuit fits it perfectly. I mean, how do you f*ck up so badly that the Batman on your movie poster is red? You'd think somebody would've caught that.

 

4) AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON THE MOVIE FILM FOR THEATERS

I dare you to make sense of this movie. I triple-dog-dare you to make sense out of this movie poster.

3) ASTRO-ZOMBIES

This movie sucked. Like, it wasn't even about zombies from space trying to enslave the human race (which the Misfit's version of the song is thankfully about. I think.) Still, screaming severed heads, painted babe's backside, Astor-zombie going all Jason Voorhees with a machete on some nerd, and a zombie head big enough to fit a sleeping (or dead) lady in his mouth. Why is it that some of the worst movies have some of the best posters?

 

2) ARMY OF DARKNESS

I can totally see Japanese movie marketers saying in their foreign tongue some version of:
Japanese Movie Marketer #1: "How we take awesome American movie poster and make it even more awesome?"
Japanese Movie Marketer #2: "Add gozilla?"
Japanese Movie Marketer #1: "No, we need something original... something trendy"
Japanese Movie Marketer #3: "Well, actor star man named Bruce Campbell. Why not have him stand on Campbell soup cans?"
Japanese Movie Marketer #2: "Yes! And we need a dolphin in the background!"
Japanese Movie Marketer #1: "Ry we need that?"
Japanese Movie Marketer #2: "Ry not!? And since movie bout zombie, let have moaning zombie sunrise!"
Japanese Movie Marketer #3: "Genius! And toothbrush forest!"
Japanese Movie Marketer #1: "Oh Japanese Movie Marketer #3, you so cwazy! Now, let's print this picture!"
And thus, we end up with this masterpiece.

 

1) KING KONG

No Joke. This was the actual Polish "King Kong" movie poster. Now, let's look at this in closer detail, shall we? Well, our attention is automatically focused on King Kong, but instead of being anywhere near the empire state building, he looks like he's just of the coast of California, surfing on what I can only assume is the Titanic, while wrestling a giant snake and a giant shark, and a lady much larger than the guy trying to rescue her from the helicopter sits on Kong's shoulder. Oh, and apparently, this is all in 3-D. WHY WAS THIS SCENE NOT IN THE MOVIE!? This movie would have been a TOTAL MASTER PIECE! Not that the original King Kong was bad, it was actually extremely entertaining, and still is today, but the remake from the 70's (which the 3-D ad makes me want to believe this is the poster from) was utter sh*t. However, could you imagine this scene in the Peter Jackson remake?! That movie would've been even more epic! Sheesh, This is with out a doubt the greatest movie poster ever, and I dare you to disagree.