It's that time of year again. Spring break has ended and it's just a few short weeks until summer, where around the Us, thousands of college students will flock to the beaches and partake in quite risky behavior. But what about the rest of the world? The world doesn't just stop for them. Police keep patrolling, doctors keep doctoring, and superheroes keep superheroing... Oh wait, I'm sorry, all superheroes except Marvel's keep superheroing, while the X-Men, Peter Parker, and the Avengers all take time off to work on their tans. Don't believe me? Well, in the early '90s Marvel released their "Marvel Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition" and parody of the popular "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Editions" of the time. These comics had fantastic art, funny false advertisements, and the world's most beloved superheroes stripped down to barley nothing. Sometimes these outfits was incredibly awesome. Other times, the outfits were horrific enough to make a Captain America cry. So let's take a look at what I feel to be the best and worst Marvel Illustrated Swimsuits.

THE BEST:

Number Five: The Wasp

Sometimes it's not about what you wear, but how you wear it, and Janet Van Pym definitely knows how to wear her one piece thong bikini. Hell, she wears it so damn good I bet you didn't even realize Captain America and Wonderman's bulges in the background.

Number Four: Sue Storm

Sue makes the list because if you really think about it, she's completely naked, using only her powers to block your view from her goods. Unfortunately, this only provides us with a better look at the monster behind her. Bonus points to anybody who can tell me how exactly does Sue clip her Walkman onto herself like that.

Number Three: Medusa

I'm not an obsessive comic fanboy, therefore Medusa doesn't register on my list of superheroines I'm familiar with. However, sometimes the least important characters are the hottest, and the only way Medusa's "swimsuit" could get any better is if she'd just wear her hair up.

Number Two: Mary Jane Watson

Like I said before, it's not about what you wear but how you wear it. Mary Jane's bikini looks as if it was made from nothing but spider-web and she makes it look insanely sexy, though it doesn't look like it covers too much at the rear, nor does it provide proper frontal support, which it doesn't look like it troubles her.

Number One: The X-Women

Why do the women of X-men make the top spot on the best Marvel swimsuits? Well, whats better than Kitty Pryde, Storm, Jean Grey, Dazzler, Phoenix, Rogue, and Psylocke all wearing only thong bikinis and showering under a waterfall together as dinosaurs look on? Nothing, that what. Therefore, any swimsuit that is a part of such an epic event automatically tops off this list, and it would be a sin to think otherwise.

 

THE WORST:

Number Five: Iron Man

Sometimes swimsuit can be so bad, that they're actually great. Iron Man's swimsuit is just that. A pair of floral swim trunks worn over a giant suit of iron (excuse me, "titanium-gold alloy"). As manly as that is. it's still hilariously bad, and not not as clever as the next hero on our list:

Number Four: Ghost Rider

The only suit Ghost Rider needs is his immortal flame. I'm sure some joke can be made here about Ghost Rider skinny dipping and showing off some bone, but we stay classy here at Nerdism, so no joke for you.

Number Three: Colossus

Colossus can surround himself with as many scantily-clad ladies as he wants, it's still doesn't prove he's not a stereotypical gay like his daisy dukes do, especially the way he's wearing them. The skin tight boxer briefs he wears under them doesn't help either. However, Colossus does gain bonus points for having Slave Leia pour a bucket of water on him.

Number Two: The Punisher

It's one thing to take a lame character and gayify him up but when you take a well-established badass and remove him fully from his character, then I get angry. This is just the case for The Punisher, who's wearing a skull speedo and playing beachball with alien monsters. Why Frank Castle would rather do this than run around and rip the brains of rapists out of their noses just boggles my mind.

Number One: Namor

This is just a debacle. Why Namor looks like a more fit Freddy Kruger confuses me, but not anymore than why he would wear such a humiliating bikini. Anybody with the sense of sight can see just how hideous this picture is, and it rightfully earns the title of worst Marvel Illustrated swimsuit.