NERD WARS: GI Joe Vs Transformers
By: Michael Lee and Chris Akins
Okay, so with the new Transformers movie out and the G.I. Joe movie on the way, a heated debate has begun here at the Nerdism offices, and that is: Which is better? Transformers or G.I. Joe? We’re not simply talking about the movies, but the whole spectrum. I’m talking cartoons, comic books, toys, and the premise itself. Sure, most nerds argue over bigger things like Star Wars and Star Trek, or Marvel and DC, but this just seems more relevant at the time being. Also, everyone knows that Star Wars is WAY better no matter how good the new Star Trek was and Marvel will always beat DC, except when Batman is involved, but I digress. Now, names will go unmentioned, but half the office believes Transformers to be the best whereas the other half chooses the Joes. Which is truly better? We’ll make arguments for both, but ultimately the decision is up to you. Email us at nerdismcomics@yahoo.com to tell us what you think and we’ll tally up the votes and choose the victor (Since we now feature a comments section, you can also just leave a comment below)! Now without further ado, let the nerd war commence!
TRANSFORMERS
So, I'm Honestly Surprised I Have To Write An Article On Why The Transformers Is Better Than GI Joe? Really? I Mean Doesn't The Premise Of Transformers Crush Anything that Can Be Said For GI Joe? Giant Alien Robots That Transform Into Dinosaurs, Cars, Weapons, And Other Electronics Is Really All That Needs To Be Said, But I Suppose I Should Go Into Further Detail.
Let's Start with The Original Transformers, Specifically, The Toys. The Original Toys Were A Spark Of Creative Genius. Cars And Weapons, That Turn Into Robots and Vise Versa. Specifically, That Covers Two Very Important Things For A Toy. It Can Be A Toy Gun Or A Toy Car, Both Important In A Young Boy's Development, And An Action Figure, Which, Obviously Is The Male Equivalent To A Barbie Doll To A Girl. Now, Transforming Could Be A Hassle Every Now And Again, Especially with The More Updated Toys, But It Was Well Worth It. Eventually, More And More Toylines Were Developed For The Transformers. Everything From Robot Heroes And Movie Legends Two Packs To STAR WARS And Marvel Heroes Based Transformers. Doing So Provided A Massive Variety Of Transformers Toys. Not Only Are There Twenty-Five Years Worth, But Each And Every Toyline Released Had Completely New Figures. Even Remakes Of Classic Such As Optimus And Starscream Never Transformed Exactly The Same Or Never Looked Exactly Identical, Such As Helicopter Megatron Or Fire Truck Optimus.
Now For The Real Deal, the Cartoon Series. Every Episode Of Both GI Joe and Transformers Was Practically A 30 Minute Toy Commercial, But Transformers Did It With More Style And Flare. Just Look At The First Episode Of "The Transformers" An Amazing And Catchy Theme Song, A Back Story For The Toys, And Even The Death Of Construction Workers. Even If It Does Involve Giant Transforming Alien Robots, Transformers Handeled Things More Realistically. If Soldiers Were Shot Out Of The Sky In GI Joe, They Safely Landed On The Ground Via Parachute. Transformers Actually Killed Their Characters (Just Look At The 1986 Animated Movie; But More On That Later). But The Key Thing About Transformers Was The Fact That You cared About Them. Even for a Cartoon Series, They Had Amazing Character Development. Megatron Was Pure Evil, Starscream Was His Bitch, Optimus Was The Heroic Leader, Bumblebee Was The Boy's Best Friend, Soundwave Was Just F*cking Awesome Cause He got Sh*t Done, Ironhide Is the Warrior, Hotrod Was The Underdog Who Rose to Greatness, Etc. But One Specific Mention Is Jazz. He Was The Very Cool, Very Stylish, Very Competent One and Was Optimus's Right Hand Man. Granted, the Portrayal Of Jazz In the 2007 Film Was A Besmirchment On His Name, But True Fans Knows He Was The BestAutobot. Now The Villians Were Very Frightening And You Wern't Always Guarteed The Good Guys Would Win. There Are Many Instances Where The Autobots Don't Always Succeed. Megatron, The Deceptacon Leader, Posed As A Very Dangerous Threat. His Minions Were Also Very Threatning. Soundwave, Starscream, Not To Mention The Constructicons, Which Were Six Seperate Transformers Who Combined Into A Giant One! Let's Not Foget About Unicron Either! Featured In The Animated Movie, Unicron Was A Giant Transfomer The Size Of A Planet Who Devoured Other Planets!
Which Leads To The Transformers Movies, Which Are Probably The Most Important Part To The Transformers Universe, Especially The 1986 Animated Movie. This Movie Is Notable For The Amazing Voice Actors (Orson Welles, Leonard Nemoy, Judd Nelson) And For Killing Off Almost Every Autobot, Strascream, AndA New Autobot Team Was Formed That Consisted Of Arcee, Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod, And Other Beloved Autobots That The Fans Of The TV Show Quickly Fell In Love With. Killing The Characters Was A Gutsy Move, And Proved That the Writer's Of Transformers Had The Balls To Make Not Only A Kid's Movie But An Emotional Movie That Still Holds Up Today For Both Old and New Fans. The Introduction Of New Characters Was Also A Genius Marketing Plan To Release A More Variety Of Transformers Toys For Children, Which GI Joe Lacked, Seeing How They Only Re-released The Same Characters in Different Uniforms. No Doubt That The New Movies Have Opened Up Transformers To A New, Younger Fan Base, Who Are Better Off With Transformers In Their Lives. Even If you Hate The New Movies, It's Obvious That You Care For The Series, Cause The Main complaints I've Heard Are from The Hard Core Fans Who Are Upset At The Characters Who They Felt Were Bastardized. That One Statement Proves That You Care Profoundly For The Series, More So Than Me, Cause I Don't Mind The Change. However, We Can All Agree On Two Things. Megan Fox Is HOT And Every One Of These Movies Have Had An Amazing Soundtrack. The Original Movie Had An Amazing Soundtrack, Featuring Mostly No-names That Can Really Really Make Amazing Arena Rock But Also Weird Al Yankovic And Stan Bush. The 2007 Movies Soundtrack Featured Linkin Park, Smashing Pumpkins, HIM, The Used, Disturbed, Goo Goo Dolls, and Taking Back Sunday. The New Movies Soundtrack Has the Used, Linkin Park and Taking Back Sunday Returning, Plus Nikelback, Green Day, The Fray, Avenged Sevenfold, Staind, Hoobastank, All-American Rejects, Theory Of a Deadman, And The Transformers Theme Covered By CHEAP F*cking TRICK!
Lastly, The Comicboooks Featuring the Transformers Are Just As Old, And Just As Exciting As The Animated Series Itself. There Are Three Major Publishers Of Transformers Comics: IDW, Dreamwave, and Most Importantly, Marvel Comics. In 1984 Marvel Printed the First Transformers Comic, Which featured Even more Backstory To The Autobot-Decepticon War. Soon, The Transformers Were Teaming Up With Other Mavel Heroes, Villians, and Even The GI Joes Themselves, Participating In Important Marvel Events Such as The Secret War. Recently, The Autobots Have Teamed Up With Pre-Civil War New Avengers (Ironman, Spider-man, Captain America, Falcon, Ms Marvel, Wolverine, And Luke Cage) To Fight Against The Decpticons And Doctor Doom.
Not Much More Can Be Said About The Transformers, That Hasn't Been Said. But Let Me State One More Time, That The Premise Is About Giant Alien Transforming Robots Fighting Over the Fate Of The Universe. That One Statement Alone Cannot Be Beaten.
(Note: I'm Certain My Associate Will Base the Character Portion Of His Argument On Snake Eyes, Which Is Like Saying "Empire" Is the Greatest Star Wars Movie Because Of Boba Fett. "Empire" Is Arguably The Best, But For Way More Than Just Boba. It Involved the Amazing Character Development, Story Telling, And Action Sequences)
G.I. JOE
Now, when I saw the preview for the new G.I. Joe movie, I didn’t know whether it looked completely terrible, or totally awesome. So I rewatched it a few times, reflected on it for a while, and now after hours of debating with myself… I still don’t know. There are very few things that have this effect to be good and bad at the same time. Starship Troopers, Godzilla, and the ShamWow (the bad part is that the spokesperson beats up hookers; funny, but bad) are all examples of this. In G.I. Joe’s case however, we only have the trailer to go on. The movie could go either way. So since we can’t judge the movie yet, let’s look at the things about the Joes that we already know.
For those of you who don’t know, the premise to G.I. Joe is that an elite military task force has been assigned to battle the evil terrorist organization known as Cobra. The Joe team consists of experts from every field, but the only one you need to know about is Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes is a mute ninja who wears a headband over his eyes for some reason and is the only Joe who fights with a sword, hence the awesomeness. But that’s not all! According to one of the Snake Eyes action figures that I proudly possess (I have three), he also fancies a silenced machine gun and throwing knives! What’s that? He can’t get cooler? Well hold on to your Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew because he’s got an evil ninja counterpart who is an agent of Cobra! Speaking of, the terrorist organization known as Cobra is one of the scariest, coolest, and most hilarious evil organization of all time. Let’s start with the leader, conveniently named Cobra Commander. This evil doer is reminiscent of Dr. Evil in the effectiveness of his plans, but somehow he keeps on truckin! While he himself isn’t very threatening, being of small stature and wearing a bright blue hat on his shiny faceless mask, his voice is what makes him an irreplaceable member of pop culture. It’s impossible to describe the epicness of his voice because somehow it manages to be bone-chilling, horribly evil, and downright funny at the same time. He has been the inspiration for some equally epic characters, most notably the Monarch from the Venture Bros and the Hydra organization from Marvel. His perhaps more threatening arms dealer, Destro, is as much a problem to the Joes as Cobra. He is much more terrifying with his Dr. Doom style metal face and large stature and is also an evil genius, developing such weapons as the weather changer and the acid missiles that were shown eating away at the Eifel Tower in the movie trailer (suck it France!). Next, we have the lovely and battle ready Baroness. This is the chick that made glasses hot and rivaled Catwoman in best leather jumpsuit. It also helps that she kicks some serious ass, but that’s just a plus. And finally, we mustn’t forget the ever loyal Cobra henchmen. No matter how bad things get for the poor henchmen, a good old “HAIL COBRA!” is enough to boost the morale of these accuracy-challenged zealots.
Now, being that both sides of this argument stem from a series of toys, what better way to judge them than their respective action figures? I’m not talking about the huge Ken sized dolls with removable clothing. I’m talking about the dual sets of Joe and Cobra in the same package. That’s how they made them when I was 10 and that’s what I’m going by! Sure, the Transformer toys were cool with the one dude that you could try to turn into a truck or something, but the Joes came fully equipped with not only two guys, but all their weapons and equipment! When I got the Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow pack, my reaction couldn’t be equaled even if someone gave me a Playstation 5 and a free massage from Jessica Alba right now… that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like that as well… but back to the toys. So what if you were tired of the guys and wanted a car? Or a helicopter? Surly the Transformers can fulfill that need? Yeah, maybe if you don’t want a pilot! With the Joes, you can have your vehicles AND your drivers. My G.I. Joe helicopter was fully equipped with 10 launchable missiles, flashing lights, automated propeller with sound effects, and could hold all of my guys and even allowed Snake Eyes to hang on via rescue rope. Yeah, it was badass. Let’s see Bumblebee pull that one off.
Finally, G.I. Joes provide heroes that kids could actually look up to. Real American heroes (no pun intended). It allowed children to love the people who actually deserved it, American soldiers. I don’t see any giant alien robots eliminating the REAL threats. All they seem to solve are problems involving other giant alien robots. How about they all go back to Cybertron and leave us the hell alone so that the Joes can handle the real conflicts. I could go on, but for the sake of time (and the fact that I respect the Transformers too much to completely trash them) I’ll end it here…
OH WAIT!!! One more thing! Jazz is the worst character in the history of Hasbro and I hope his robot ass burns in hell. Thank you.
Michael Lee and Chris Akins are writers for Nerdism Comics, and still plays with their GI Joe and Transformers toys. You can write to them at Nerdismcomics@yahoo.com
