Peers.
Chapter One: ProcrastinationBy: Chris Akins
This is a script for a TV show I wrote based on the 8th grade. All the characters are based on my friends and other acquaintances, (you know who you are) with the exception of two. One is even mention by name because I forgot to change it. The story is about a boy named Nick Cooper and his friends as the go through an average day at school...
P.S. When the font changes, the character changes.
Today is going to horrible for two reasons. One, I fell asleep with my thumb in nose and my brother took a picture and put it on his MySpace. Two, I have homework due for my science class out of my workbook and I completely forgot about it until this moment.
My name is Nick Cooper, and I'm in the eighth grade. I have just recently begun reflecting my thoughts; a process that I hope will help me remember things more vividly. Given this information, I might as well reflect on a few other things. I am 14 years old, my brother is an imbecile and an idiot, I've never said a curse word in my life, I am currently making a video game, learning to play the guitar, and starting a comic book company, and even though I'm one of the coolest, funniest, and smartest people in my school (not to mention egotistic), I've never had a girlfriend, despite my many girl-friends.
Today is January 8, 2007 and I'm on my way to school. I go through my usual routine when getting out of the car, say goodbye and I love you to my mom and wave until she's out of my sight. From which point, I proceed toward the school. As I draw near the door, I notice Matt walking behind me. He…
"Dude, were you just narrating what was happening to you?"
"Oh crap he heard me! Quick, think of some thing to say… uh, "Yes."
"… Okay."
Phew, I gotta be more careful with this. I wonder if my mom heard me in the car. Anyway, like I was saying, Matt isn't very bright. Sure he's in my advanced classes, but the things he does are absolutely idiotic. I think his brain is being blocked out by all of his hair. It's like a giant white guy afro and he's completely obsessed with it. He carries around a hairbrush. Another thing he is obsessed with is his "friend" Jennifer. Where ever you see her, Matt's bound to be trailing behind somewhere. Although you can't really blame him, she's not bad looking. Plus every other guy in school voted her as the hottest chick in school. Yes, we have those kinds of polls. We also had a poll of which guy has the biggest tits. Ryan Clark won. Anyway, Matt is obsessed with Jen and he probably won't ever have the courage to ask her out.
"Nick, I have to tell you something."
"You're not turning gay on me are you?"
"What? No. Yesterday, after you went home early, I asked Jen out."
What? Does everything happen when I'm not around? "So what happened?"
"She said no. I haven't spoken to her since."
"It's only been a day."
"I know it's just going to be really weird when I talk to her again."
"Not even a full day, I left at two, meaning it could only have been like eighteen hours..."
"Dude, I could use a little sympathy here."
"What do you want me to say? She's gonna change her mind? Cause she won't you know."
"Thanks for making it better."
Sigh. Fine, I'll throw you a bone. "Alright look, if it makes your pathetic existence feel any better, because you guys were such good friends, she's probably still going to want to stay friends and while it might be weird for a little bit, you'll both get over it."
"You really think so?"
"Yeah, I mean I think so. But even though we're friends, if you ever asked me out…end of friendship. But she's a girl so I don't know."
I can't believe he asked her out. It's not that I'm too interested in her, but I just can't stand the thought of him getting a girlfriend before me. Just as I get to my locker I remember again, I never did my homework.
"Hey Matt, you didn't happen get your homework done for 6th period did you?"
"We had homework?"
"Oh crap! Well now who am I going to copy?"
"Well, try to remember who's in our 6th period."
As soon as he had finished saying that, I heard a voice off in the distance. Jessie Autry. I knew it was him because I distinctly heard the words "Your mamma was playing with me last night." Which meant someone probably said something like "Did you play online last night?" And Jessie with his amazing ability to sense absolutely anything sexual in a sentence leaped into the conversation with his line. Jessie is a jock who still manages to be in our advanced classes. He has blonde hair down to the shoulders (now that I think about it, everyone here has relatively odd hair), and he has a "mamma" reference for anything you say. Wait, Jessie's in our 6th period.
"What about Jessie?"
"Are you kidding me? How many times has he copied our homework?"
"Good point, we have to find someone who does their work all the time."
Jessie comes up behind us, "Your mamma and I do it all of the time."
Oh God, I gotta watch what I say. "Not now Jessie, we're trying to figure out who could have done their science homework."
"Oh, did you guys do it?"
What? Did he not just hear us? "Oh, yeah we did. We just want to find someone else who did it so we can all reminisce about it."
"Oh good, you think I could copy one of you?"
What? Is he serious? "Dude, we didn't do it!"
"What? Oh well, that's alright, because me and your mamma did do it!"
He walked off laughing, but I was just glad he was gone. Hey, I know who we could copy! "Hey Matt, what about Jen?"
"Uh, I don't know."
"Come on its perfect. You can find out if she hates you and get the answers at the same time. Isn't she in your first class?"
"Yeah but…"
"Yeah but nothing. Come on dude, grow a pair will ya?"
"Grow a pair?"
"Yeah, you don't know what that means? How could you not know what that means? Just don't be a wuss."
I can't believe he doesn't know what grow a pair means. Everyone knows what that means. Although he is a little thickheaded. It's probably the hair. What does he want now? He keeps tapping on my shoulder.
"What do want now?"
"You know I could hear you talking to yourself."
"... You could?"
"Yeah, what the heck were you doing?"
"Well you know how I've been forgetting things lately?"
"Yeah."
"Well I just started reflecting on my thoughts and it's really helping me out. That's how I remembered that we had homework."
"But you didn't remember to do your homework?"
"Shut up. It does help, you should try it."
"I'll pass."
"No I'm serious. Do it."
"Alright, I'll do it. But I really got to get to class."
"Okay, just do it on the way there."
"Okay. Okay."
This is stupid. Reflect my thoughts? I swear he has the most idiotic ideas of any person in the world. Oh man I am not looking forward to talking to Jen. What if things get all weird? What if she doesn't want to hang out anymore? What if...
"Hey Matt."
"Oh hi. Uh, what's up Jen?"
"Not much, you?"
"Uh... nothing."
Okay she doesn't seem to care about yesterday, although this is a pretty long silence. Why hasn't she said anything? Why don't I say something? Things are getting awkward. Oh! Ask about the homework!
"Hey Jen, listen. I was wondering..."
"Look Matt, I know you're probably a little embarrassed from yesterday, but I want you to know that it's no big deal. Everyone likes me."
"Oh good. So still normal?"
"Of course."
Thank God! I was worried things were gonna get bad. Wait'll I tell Nick.
Okay it's 9:32 so Matt should have the answers copied down by now. There he is.
"Hey Matt."
"Hey, guess what."
"You got the homework?"
"… Oh right, uh, I forgot."
"What? What were you doing?"
"Uh, Jen doesn't hate me."
"Do you honestly think I care about that at all?"
"Not anymore."
"Why didn't you ask her?"
"Well I was going to, but then we started talking about something else and I guess I just forgot."
I have to give a forced sigh on that one. How does that even happen? Well, it is still early, maybe he can still get it copied. "Okay, when do you see her next?"
"I sit near her in 3rd period."
"Great, get it then and don't get distracted. Come on, we gotta go to class."
My 2nd period class is Math. I actually have two math classes but this one is easier. I am very good at math, but I hate it with a fury. Just endless numbers, adding numbers, multiplying numbers, factoring numbers, and it's all to find another number. Then when you finish, there are still more to do. It's enough to make a person lose it. But at least this is the easier one.
I walk to a desk in the front row only to realize that that is my homeroom seat. I then move on to the middle and stop halfway through because it is my 5th period seat. Finally, I sit down in the back where I am supposed to. I can't help but wonder why I have a different seat for each class. Can't she (by she I mean my teacher Ms. Parker.) just keep me in one seat and just move the people who aren't in her homeroom? Anyway, I sit down and begin to look out the door to find Ms. Parker talking to another adult. It wasn't a teacher, so it must have been a parent. Then I hear the words "new student" and am now somewhat interested. Maybe it's a chick. Maybe it's a hot chick.
The parent leaves and then the new kid enters. It was a chick, good-looking, but not beautiful. She wore a T-shirt and jeans, which meant she was laid back. She had long light brown hair, not really my type. So she's nothing for me to try for, I guess I'll just have to keep looking. She was assigned a seat diagonally in front of me.
Now to do the warm up. I still don't know why the warm up in math class isn't math. It's about math, but doesn't require any math skills to do it (somewhere I know Jesse heard that last thought and said 'me and your mom do it'). What are they trying to warm us up for, our next class? Still, I gotta do it. … Oh crap, I'm out of paper. Maybe the new kid has some.
"Hey, newbie."
She turned around, "Its Lisa."
"Yeah whatever, listen, can I borrow some paper?"
"No."
"No?"
"Borrowing would imply that you were going to give it back, but seeing as it's paper, you were probably going to write on it and then I wouldn't want it back."
Huh? "Okay, may I have some paper?"
"Nope. You already screwed up, no retries." She turned around and continued to do her work.
I am thoroughly shocked. No one has ever talked like that to me before and I would have never thought it would come from a new kid.
"Are, are you serious?"
"Yes, and if you were thinking that saying 'please' would help your chances, save your breath. You lost all please privileges by calling me newbie."
"Well I didn't know your name."
"Nor did you take time out of your busy schedule to find out. Now I suggest you get your paper from someone else cause unless you never had paper and were waiting all year for me to give you some, I think someone else gives you paper."
What the heck? What's with her? She was mean, she was sarcastic, she was smart, clever, and kind of funny. Although I was mad at her, I couldn't help but like her a little. I had seen a lot of gorgeous girls pass through these hallways that I thought I liked, but I think she just sparked something.
I got my paper from someone else and began to do my work. Luckily this class was mostly just lecturing because I couldn't stop thinking about how she acted toward me. I wanted to not like her, but I couldn't help myself. When second period ended, I almost forgot to yell at Matt to get the homework.
"You gonna remember this time?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Good, and remember, don't get nervous. Just grow a pair."
"I still don't know what that means."
Oh come on! Where's Tyler, he'll know what it means. There he is, "Tyler, what does grow a pair mean?"
"I don't know."
"You don't … How could you not know that?"
I got outta there before Nick could ask more people what grow a pair means. Okay, this time I have to remember to ask for the homework. But what if she doesn't give it to me. What if she's still a little creeped out from yesterday? Why do I always think like this? Think about something positive, uh, the Simpsons movie comes out this year. Heroes starts up again soon. My hair is bigger than Evan's. Okay, now I'm calm.
"Hi Matt."
Oh crap. "Hey Jen…" … Oh come on! Not another uncomfortable silence! Wait what was I gonna ask her? Simpsons? Heroes? Hair? Oh yeah homework!
"Look Jen…"
"Okay I can see you're still nervous."
"No I just…"
"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't say no because I don't like you. I just don't want a boyfriend right now."
"Oh, that does help."
"Good."
Glad that's settled. My work here is done.
"YOU DIDN"T ASK HER AGAIN?"
"My bad."
"I am going to cut your hair in your sleep!"
"Whoa, that's not cool man! Look I just forgot."
Sigh. "You are the single most retarded person I have ever met."
"Well why don't you get the homework?"
"It looks like I'm going to have to. I sit near her in our next class. You should be lucky if I even give the answers to you!"
Time to do this myself. I only have two more periods to go and I am not trusting Matt to get the answers in 5th. I actually like my fourth period (better than the others at least.) although it is in the gym, which means I have to walk for a while with all my stuff. Okay it's not that far, I'm just really lazy.
Okay I just have to wait for Jen and ask for the homework… Oh crap. Not now. Why? Sigh, Lisa's here. Come on stay focused! I need to ask Lisa… I mean Jen! I need to ask Jen if… I … can… I wonder how Lisa feels about me. CRAP! What was I gonna ask? Who was I gonna ask? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
"…You didn't ask her?"
"…No."
"Why?"
"I uh, I forgot."
"…Ha ha ha that's kinda funny."
"Shut up. Now I hate to say this, but you need to get the answers next period."
"I'll try, but will you have enough time to copy them before 6th?"
"I'll do it in between periods. Just get the answers."
What an idiot, how could he get distracted that easily. Okay there's Jen.
"Jen."
"Yes?"
"Okay I need…"
"Oh tell me you're not still…"
"PLEASE just listen. I need to see the homework."
"Oh, okay."
Dang it! She's here too. Maybe I should ask her out. I do want to beat Matt at getting a girlfriend. I don't really know her so it wouldn't get awkward. Why not? I'm gonna do it. I really am gonna do it.
I got it! Now I just have to get it to Nick before we get to 6th period.
Okay 5th is over, I just need to walk up to her and ask her out.
"Hey Nick I got…"
"Shut up Matt!"
Okay just keep going you can do this. There she is now you just need to ask… What the heck is my brother doing here?
"Oh hey Nick. You met Lisa? She says she's new here."
"What are you doing here? You go to the high school."
"I didn't feel going today, thought I'd drop in and say hi."
Oh God I hate him. What's Lisa laughing at?
"Nice picture by the way."
"What picture?"
She has my brother's phone? Oh my God. Not that picture.
"Digging for gold this morning Nick? Did you get a good one?"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
"I gotta go to class. Bye Nick, bye uh, Nick's brother."
"John."
I can't believe it how could he do that? I'm gonna kill him. This better be the low of my day. I well at least I can focus in 6th period. I got nothing to worry about now.
And here is the teacher.
"Okay class, please turn in your homework."
…Oh crap. Oh that's what Matt wanted.
So I got a zero on my home work, not that big a deal. At least I get to enjoy my lunch in peace. I sit with the usual group, Matt, Jen, and Jessie. As long as I don't say anything sexual, it won't provoke Jessie and I won't have to hear another momma joke.
"Your momma was saying something sexual to me."
WHAT? How did he even do that?
Today sucked. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Not only did I get a zero on my homework, but also I had to be subjected to yet another momma reference and to top it all off, I now have no chance with Lisa now. Well it probably wasn't worth it anyway. She probably wasn't even right for me. Oh here she is now.
"Don't think I didn't notice you trying to avoid me in 7th period. You embarrassed about the picture? Come on, you can get over it. Grow a pair will ya."
…Grow a pair? Ha ha, oh man I love her.
Chris Akins is a writer for Nerdism Comics, and lied to you in the page's opener. He has no friends. You can write to him at Nerdismcomics@yahoo.com
