Peers.
Chapter Two: Cooper ComicsBy: Chris Akins
This is a script for a TV show I wrote based on the 8th grade. All the characters are based on my friends and other acquaintances, (you know who you are). The story is about a boy named Nick Cooper and his friends as the go through an average day at school...
P.S. When the font changes, the character changes.
Today is day in which my latest comic strip will be released upon the two people that actually care about it. In my spare time (which is all the time), I like to take a break from listening to my teacher lecture about what we already know, and make a few comic strips. These comics feature myself, Matt, and the “your mama” master himself, Jessie. Coincidently these are the only two people who I show them to. I showed one to Jen once, but she described it as vulgar and immature. I don’t know what she means. How is a guy prosecuting his hand for molestation vulgar or immature? At any rate, I am proud of this comic and I will go immediately to show Matt.
“Hey Nick.”
Oh crap, it’s Kevin. Kevin is the single most annoying human being on this planet. I hate him with a fury, but he still seems to think we’re friends. Truth is, I’ve never liked him. Ever since I moved here two years ago, he’s been trying to befriend me. However, he talks about the most drooling topics and goes on about them forever. He also has an annoying, high-pitched voice that sounds like nails on a chalkboard, and bears an uncanny resemblance to a Chihuahua in both the size of his person and his huge bulging eyes. He still doesn’t know how much I hate him, even though I do my very best to avoid him, but this time he had me pinned.
Sigh, “Hello Kevin.”
“What are you writing?”
“Uh, a comic.”
“Cool! Can I see?”
“…Uh, yeah sure.”
Just as I regrettably hand him the black and white notebook that I use to doodle and draw my strips, the bell rings. I have to get to class. I turn my back on him to retrieve my other books and supplies, but by the time I turn back to him, he’s run off to his next class. Oh crap! My book which I spend hours a day working on, and contains some very crude material is now in the hands of… Kevin. This means that one of two things can happen: One, he sees the crudeness of the comics and being the sad little sheltered boy that he is, turns it over to a teacher. Or two, I get the comic back later on today, thus forcing me to interact with him again. I’m almost hoping for number one.
I don’t know if it’s because today is the day where Nick makes a new comic or because I watched The Simpsons last night, but I have a sudden urge to draw out my own cartoon. Now I don’t have any idea what to make it about, but I can at least draw what the characters would look like. Okay, I want to have my own drawing style, maybe…no…Oh how about this…no………Ah screw it, I’ll just draw them like The Simpsons.
I go to first period now, which is Art class. This is my favorite period, not only because it’s a blow off class, but also because the art teacher isn’t a douche bag. He is actually pretty cool. He lets us bring food, drinks, gum or even phones to class and eat it… or talk on it in the case of the phone. He also plays rock music while we do our work and lets us watch movies on Fridays. I like to think of him as kind of a mentor and often go to him for advice. Lately I’ve been going to him to ask about my Lisa problems, but now I have a new topic.
“So what you’re saying is,” Mr. E asks, “this kid that you hate has your book, and you’re afraid he’ll give it to a teacher.”
“Right.”
“Well, how bad is this book? I mean a teacher might just give it back to you.”
“Well, one comic has a guy prosecuting his hand for molestation.”
“…Oh.”
“I’m screwed aren’t I?”
“Well you just need to confront him as soon as possible. And didn’t you say you don’t want a lot of people to see the comics?”
“Yeah.”
“Well then your biggest worry shouldn’t be him being appalled by in and showing a teacher. It should be him liking the comic and showing everybody else.”
Oh crap.
Alright, lesson learned; I cannot draw like The Simpsons. Luckily, however, attempting to has created my own style. My comics will feature Manly Matt, his sidekick Not-so-manly Nick, and his super hot girlfriend Juicy Jen. Now I just need a theme… uh… hmm.
Okay First Period is over. I have to find Kevin now!
“Hey man, check this out.”
“Not now Matt.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Well, you know Kevin right?”
“The tall kid with the lisp?”
“No, the short, squirrelly looking kid with the pumpkin pie haircut.”
“Oh, yeah I hate that guy.”
“Who doesn’t? Now the problem is that he has my comic book.”
“Oh you made a new comic?”
“Try and stay with me here! Now he has the book and he might show it to teachers or worse, other people.”
“How is that worse?”
As if on cue, several people came out of nowhere and began hounding me about my comics.
“Dude those were so funny!”
“Do you have any more?”
“Can you make me a copy?”
“I have an idea for one!”
“Can you put me in one?”
“Can I borrow the comics?”
I looked over to Matt, “This is why it’s worse.”
I managed to escape the mob and made my way to second period. When I got to my desk, a few girls came up to me.
“Are you here to ask me for a comic as well?”
“Are you kidding me? Those were disgusting!”
Huh?
“You should be ashamed!”
“What is wrong with you?”
What? What’s going on here?
Matt approaches, “Dude, don’t you get it? Guys love your comics because they’re hilarious, and girls hate them because they’re borderline disturbing.”
“Yeah, I can see that.”
Wait a minute, Lisa didn’t see them, did she? Oh please tell me she didn’t!
Being that she sits diagonal from me, I can find out right now. “Hey Lisa?”
“Yeah what’s up?”
“Hi, uh listen, you didn’t happen to see a comic book Kevin was showing people did you?”
“Kevin… The kid that looks like a praying mantis?
“Yeah.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
Oh thank God! I have got to get it back before he shows Lisa. I do my work for second period and in between math problems, I try to remember his classes. If only I paid attention when he babbled to me! Wait, I think he’s in my fourth! Yeah, that’s why I sit in the back, to avoid him. I just have to pray he doesn’t show her in third period.
I don’t know what Nick is so worried about. So more people want to see his comics, big deal. As far as I’m concerned, the more fans the better. Although in the future, he should probably make his comics more female-friendly. That is definitely what I’m gonna do with mine. Okay, now to third period, History. I like it because… wait, is that Kevin? I should probably get the book…
“Hey Matt.”
“Oh, hey Jen.”
Oh my dear lord there is no way he could possibly be this stupid.
“So what you’re saying is, you saw Kevin, you were about to get the book. And then you just… forgot?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“If this had anything to do with Jen I will kill you where you stand.”
“… It didn’t have anything to do with Jen.”
Matt was clearly lying, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. As long as Kevin didn’t show Lisa in third period, I should be in the clear. I just need to get it in fourth.
There’s that slime Kevin. Oh how I hate him. I can’t believe I am going to have to talk to him to get my book back.
“Hey there Kevin,” attempting to sound as if I didn’t want to gouge out his enormous eyes. “You wouldn’t happen to have that book I gave you?” You stole it you bug eyed son of a…
“Oh hey Nick! Actually I gave it to some one else.”
I HATE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!
“Oh, well who did you give it to?”
“Frank.”
Frank? Oh I know him. It seems fitting that annoying kids would hang out with other annoying kids. Frank isn’t as bad as Kevin, but he has his moments. He’s obese enough to have inspired the “your momma’s so fat” jokes. Also, everyone at school has a suspicion that he is gay. Matt won’t even go near him because he claims that he stares at him in class. Unfortunately I don’t see him again until seventh period. Now I need to get away from Kevin before he-
“Hey Nick I’m glad we have a chance to talk, I wanted to tell you something. I was watching Cartoon Network last night and…”
Oh dear lord.
Well Nick is talking to Kevin so he should be able to get his book back now, and I can focus on mine. Okay, now I’m gonna want something funny………Well how am I suppose to make something funny that girls will like too? Wait, girls like romantic comedies. Maybe I could make one of those…
After nearly an hour of Kevin talking to me about God knows what, I am finally able to escape to fifth period. Lisa is in this class and Frank isn’t, so he can’t show the book to her here. Hey, I just gotta really great idea for a comic. I don’t have my book, but I could just draw it on a piece of paper and add it in later. How could anyone think that this is vulgar? I mean sure it has the occasional gay joke or a guy in a wheel chair falling down the stairs… wow, what is wrong with me? I have a sick sense of humor. But at least it’s funny.
Yes! This is all coming together! This comic is genius! I know exactly how to do everything… Although I am sorta copying from a lot of things…Wow, I have references from at least 12 different movies. I need to stop watching those chick flicks my mom rents.
By the time Fifth period is over I have finished my comic and must move on to sixth. Now this is the class I need to worry about. Neither Lisa nor Frank is in my sixth period class, but at least after this, I can finally get the book.
“Hey Nick, can I see that comic now?”
“I still don’t have it Matt, Frank does.”
“Oh, I thought I saw him holding it in the hallway.”
“And you didn’t ask him about it?”
“Well I thought you got it back in third period. Besides, I’m not getting anywhere near him with those looks he gives me.”
“…I hate you Matt.”
“So you don’t have any comics with you?”
“Well actually, I did make one in fifth on a piece of paper.”
“Great, let’s see it.”
“…I can’t find it, I must have left it back there. I’ll just grab it in home room and then show you.”
Well, I don’t need to see his lame comics. I have my own that are awesome. I should be done by lunch so I can show them off there.
My book may be gone, but at least I have my homework today. I managed to copy it yesterday during class. In fact other than this incident, today has been a relatively good day. I’ve gotten all of my work done and have not received any additional homework. I’ve been complimented on my comics many times, (although that is partially bad) and I made it to lunch and I have yet to hear Jessie say…
“Your momma was watching me last night!”
“Damn it Matt, did you have to set it up?”
“What? I just said, did you watch The Simpsons last night?”
“Your momma…”
“Jessie please, you already said it.”
“Sorry, it’s an automatic response.”
“So you gonna get your book back next period?”
“Yeah, and I have to do it before…uh…”
“Before what?”
“Uh, before… he gets it confiscated by a teacher.”
“…Okay.”
It just occurred to me that I haven’t told anyone that I liked Lisa yet. Well, I’m still not gonna tell them. I don’t need them pressuring me to ask her out.
“How could you guys read those comics? I mean no offense Nick, but some of those are just vulgar.”
“Yes thank you Jen, I believe you and every other girl in this school have brought that to my attention already.”
“Well you could at least make some non-grotesque comics.”
“How is that funny? I’m sorry but this ain’t no PG booth you’re sitting at. If its non-grotesque things you want, you can go sit with Dora the Annoying and Bob the Eater.” I pointed to Kevin and Frank who were sitting with each other.
“5, 4, 3-”
“What are you counting Matt?”
“2, 1…”
“Wait that’s Frank!”
“Right on que.”
I ran over there to get my book, while from behind me I hear from Jessie, “Who’s Bob the Eater?”
I come back to the booth with my book and a sense of accomplishment.
“Hey Matt, Frank says hi.”
“Screw you.”
“Your momma screwed me last night!”
“Dang it Matt!”
“Sorry. Oh speaking of non-grotesque comics, I happen to have made one of my own.”
Matt made a comic? Poser. “Let me see……… This is stupid… and really gay. Not funny gay, bad gay.”
“Plus you copied from like 12 chick flicks.”
“How do you know that Jessie?”
“… I … look aren’t we focusing on him right now?”
“Well, when I wrote it, I guess I was trying to appeal to girls a little more than Nick’s.”
“Well then let me see, maybe this won’t be as crude as his……… Uh, yeah. That is bad. I actually like Nick’s better.”
“Vulgarity wins again!”
So Today went well, I mean sure I was subjected to having to talk to Kevin, but that happens at least once every week. At least I got my comics back and Lisa never got a hold of them.
“Hey there Nick.”
“Oh hey Lisa.”
“You left this in fifth period.”
……Son of hooker!
“I took a look at it, it was pretty funny.”
“What? You didn’t think it was crude or disgusting?”
“Well of course I did, but isn’t that what made it funny?”
“Uh yeah, that’s what I was going for.”
“You got anymore?”
“…Well, I gotta few.”
Chris Akins is a writer for Nerdism Comics, and actually loves every comic Matt (Mike) draws. You can write to him at Nerdismcomics@yahoo.com
