The very first Spider-Man comic was released as Amzing Fantasy #15 in August 1962. Since then Spider-man has gone through numerous costume changes and appearance alterations. He's suffered through six arms, spider-armor, and crappy black movie costumes. We at Nerdism are going to take a look at all of Spidey's fashion do's and don'ts. I have decided to not use any alternate-universe Spider-man costumes, sticking to Earth-616, which means no Spider-Thor, no Arachnosaur, and no Spider-Man Noir. I am going to review Spider-man 2099 and Zombie Spider-man, but that's just personal preference. Take a look for yourself:

Classic Red & Blue (August 1962)

Ah yes! The classic Spidey-suit. It's been around for over forty years and it doesn't look like it's going anywhere. Spidey has eaten in it, slept in it, died in it, and I'm pretty sure he's f*cked in it. Not that I'd blame him. I mean, c'mon! Look at it! It's as if someone (and by someone I mean Steve Dikto) took the American flag and fused it with a spider to create the most badass bug-based superhero costume in existence. Way better than the rumored original costume, which was practically a cowboy with webguns. Could you imagine. Could you just imagine the hilarity the first time Spidey would've said "Freeze! My gun is cocked and loaded. Make one move and Ill spray you in sticky web!"? Or how about "My gun went off last night and sprayed Gwen Stacy's face with sticky goo!" I could go on forever, but I'd prefer to keep my immaturities to myself ("Aww Shucks! My gun went off and filled my pants with sticky webbing!")

 

The Wrestler (August 1962)

Of course, Spidey's classic blue and red costume wasn't his first. Oh no, actually Spidey's very first costume was a sweatshirt, loafers, and a pair of jeans. Oh and he sprayed his facy with sticky web to conceal his identity. Hehe, get it? Covered his face with sticky web? Okay, I promise that's the last time I'll make one of those jokes. Not his best costume, But hey, It could've been worse.

 

Six-Arm Spidey (September 1971)

The first major change in Spidey's appearance came in 1971, when Spidey grew two extra sets of arms, thus giving him 8 limbs just like a spider! How lame. Moving on.

 

Spider-Lizard (February 1980)

The Lizard is a pretty badass looking Spider-Man villain. If you ever wanted to how what such a badass looked liked if he dressed up as his favorite web-slinger for Halloween, this version of Spider-man is for you!

 

Electro-Proof (May 1982)

This is the first totally new and re-designed Spidey-suit we actually see. Developed out of an old rubber-mattress, Spider-man uses this suit to nullify Electro's powers. It's pretty ugly, what what do you expect from a suit that is nothing more than melted tire material?

 

Alien Symbiote Black Costume (May 1984)

Of all of Spidey's major costume changes, this is the most well-recieved and badass. In possibly the most stylish form of half-assing their job, the black costume was originally created because the lazy ass Spider-man artists grew tired of drawing all the f*cking web's on his suit. Therefore, they decided to give him a brand-new pure black suit, thus giving the inkers something to worry about. Later down the line, the writers gave Peter Parker a new grittier personality with his new look. As everybody knows, this suit turned out to be an alien symbiote that fed off of Peter's anger and blah, blah, blah. The important part is that it gave Spider-man his best villain yet: Venom! The one downside to this suit is that it set up the entire premise for Spider-man 3, so looks as if we Spider-fans can't win for losing.

 

The Amazing Bag-Man (November 1984)

Of all of Spidey's suit changes, this may be my favorite. Tying in to the black symbiote suit story, Peter had to don this outfit when the alien costume came to life and darted off into the city, leaving Peter Parker naked at the Fantastic Four's headquarters. The Human Torch gave Spidey one of his suits and a bag for his head. Of all the thing that was left out of Spiderr-man 3, this is the one scene that needed to be in it! After all, how else would Peter have gotten home after spliting up with small, dark, and sticky in the clock tower?

 

Cosmic Spider-Man (December 1989)

Cosmic Spider-man came to be when Peter Parker was bathed in unknown energies after an experimental generator exploded. This energy bestowed upon Spider-Man the powers of enhanced spider-like super senses, vast power blasts, being able to form shapes from his web and manipulate them, and absolute invulnerability. He's practically a more colorful version of the Silver Surfer. With these powers, he was able to defeat Magneto, Grey Hulk, and a super-Sentinal. Unfortunately, these powers could not stop Spidey's bad sense of fashion.

 

Spider-Hulk (October 1990)

Spider-Man's gamma career was short, only two issues. After being jolted by some "electronic thingy" in Connecticut and then duking it out with the Hulk, Spider-man gains the ability to go green. It doesn't help that the gamma radiation Peter was hit with makes him both dizzy and bitchy which of course leads to quite a bit of "SPIDER-HULK SMASH!". The costume is his normal thing, but ya know, if the Hulk had been wearing it.

 

Cyborg-Spidey (April 1992)

Oscar McDonnell gave Spider-Man a cyborg cast while his arm had a hairline fracture in Spider-Man #21. As much as Spidey wants to look like a badass here, it comes off more Robo-Frankenstien-esque, which sounds cool, but isn't. Also, I can see Sam Raimi including this in one of his next Spider-Man movies, just replacing the hand of that robo-arm with a chainsaw? Epic? Maybe... It's not like the series can get any worse.

 

Spider-Man 2099 (August 1992)

I include this version of Spider-man because I do believe this is the most awesome of all Spidey-suits. He has claws where his hands once were. The spider on his chest has mutated into some freak arachno-skull. And those webs under Spidey's arms have turned into a rotting web-cape. It's like he's built with the ideology to kick ass and only kick ass. Plus the Web-head of the future gives us our first ethnic Spidey, Miguel O'Hara.

 

Spider-Armor (May 1993)

Spider-Man developed this suit to help kick the asses of Plant Man, Dragon Man, Eel, and Thermite.... all in one issue. This armor protected Spidey from temperature blasts and poison spores, and then allowed him to hand out ass-kickings like they were the door prize at your local mutant carnival.

 

Ninja-Spidey Suit (June 1994)

In Comic book-land, when Spidey's mask gets torn in battle he doesn't take it off like in the film series. Oh no, he uses it to his advantage. In this case, the advantage was becoming Ninaj-Spidey. Spidey used this outfit to fight off Typhoid Mary/ Bloody Mary. In all honesty, he kind of reminds me of a black bird. Though, Blackbird-Spidey doesn't have the same ring to it Ninja-Spidey has.

 

The Scarlet Spider (November 1994)

For the life of me, I can't figure out why people say this costume sucks. Sure the Clone Saga was in no way good, but I thought this costume was awesome. The Scarlet Spider is also a pretty cool sounding name. But to each nerd his own I suppose.

 

Octo-Spidey (April 1995)

Spider-man gains control over Doc Ock's evil mechanical arms. I don't think this suit deserves the hypes its got. There have been multiple toys of this suit and it has been featured in a few of the Cartoons. To me, Spidey just looks like a scuba diver with a belt people in the 1950s proabably though we in the new millennium would wear. Lame.

 

Spider-Carnage (April 1996)

Ever wonder what Carnage would look like if it bonded to Spidey the same way Venom did? Well, considering this comic came out almost fifteen years ago, you've had plenty of time to find out. Also, did this power up give Spidey the power of fire breathing? I haven't read the comic so I wouldn't know, but it sure looks like he's about to spew molten chunks of death. If this comic really is about nothing but Spider-Carnage burning down New York City using his newly developed powers of Hell vomit, then I'll go straight to my local comic book shop immediately and buy it now. Let me know nerds, let me know.

 

Negative Zone Spider-Man (April 1998)

When Spider-Man first visited the Negative Zone, he acquired a costume that allowed him to merge with shadows and become practically invisible, which is possibly the most badass functionality of a Spider-man outfit to date. He also, looks incredibly cool, unfortunately the picture I got of him looks like he's taking a huge atomic sh*t. Still, pretty cool.

 

Spider-Man Unlimited (October 1999)

In order to tie into the new Spider-man animated series, the Webhead's artists gave him a new suit which, as far as I know, did nothing but change his appearance. It doesn't look nearly as cool as his original costume so it's a major downgrade. No wonder that cartoon series lasted one season.

Pink and Lacey (October 2000)

Spider-man made a fantastic appearance on Cameron Diaz's butt in the Charlie;s Angels movie, which is undeniabley one of the best things in the world (Cameron Diaz's ass that is, not that horrible movie).

 

Spider-Man Movie Suit (May 2002)

This was the first time we actually saw the Spidey-suit in live action (not counting all those TV shows since those costumes were about as aesthetically pleasing as the Halloween costumes based on this movie). Spidey has never looked better. The only major difference between this outfit and the comic's is that his black web design has been replaced by a silvery one. Also, this one seemed to tear quite easily as there hasn't been a single movie where Spidey's mask hasn't been ripped off to reveal his secret identity.

 

Spidey's Final Costume (December 2003)

Spider-Man got a glimpse of his own future in The Amazing Spider-man #500. Consisting solely of a reversible jacket, mask and gloves, this is what I'd expect an elderly Spider-Man to wear. His jacket is pretty neat though. Like If I were a biker, I'd wear the sh*t out of that thing.

 

Zombie Spidey (December 2005)

I included this Earth-2149 version of Spidey because super-powered zombies are so damn cool. I can't even make a joke about Spider-Zombie... He's just that awesome.

 

Iron Spider (February 2006)

Iron Spider looks badass. However, all it's functions have turned Spider-Man into Iron Man and while that may sound cool, it really wasn't. Updating Spidey with camera appendages and built-in fire/police/emergency scanners just isn't Spidey's thing. An Iron Man/Spider-Man fusion may have seemed kick-ass at first, but when Joe Quesada gets involved, everything kick-ass about it just falls apart.

 

Man-Spider (June 2006)

In Avengers: Disassembled, Spider-Man encounters an enemy called the Queen, a woman capable of controlling insects. She triggers a transformation in him: first, he grows extra eyes and hair covering his body; then, he transforms into a giant spider. This was basically all used to set up Spidey getting organic web-shooters like in the movies, because most people didn't realize that in the comics, Spidey's web was shot out of a little contraption in his wrist. Does anyone else think that giant mutant spider looks really cute in that Spider-Man t-shirt?

 

Spider-Man 3 Black Suit (May 2007)

It escapes me how someone as awesome as Sam Raimi can f*ck up the new black Spidey-suit so badly. It's a simple concept, All black with a giant white spider logo taking up most of the torso. This version is basically the Movie version with all the color drained out of it. It even still has the web pattern!Also, the sybiote didn't make Peter angry in this movie, it made him emo, but all of use know that by now so making a joke about it wouldn't even be witty anymore. Just overdone.

 

Negative Spider-Man (January 2008)

Finally, If you couldn't tell by the decreasing quality of these summaries, I'm tired. Writing about 25 Spider-man costumes seemed fun at first, but now it's just killing me. I'll leave you on a good note however, as this reversed Spider-man costume was the result of Spidey getting into a fight with Mr. Negative in a recent series. I think it looks like an awesome switch up of the ol' classic red and blue. I'm going to stop writing now...