The Five Most Ineffective Choices Of Sci-Fi Clothing
By: Michael Lee
Science fiction has been around for centuries, but it hasn't been until the development of comic books, film, cartoons, and video games that we really got to see what our fantasy heroes looked like. For every awesome outfit we get (See: Indiana Jones) we get an equally ineffective costume. Sure some may look cool, but is there really that much need to show off a massive amount of cleavage or sport a cape that really has no use? Probably not, therefore we are going to take a look at the most ineffective choices of sci-ni clothing:
5) Nipples
The invention of these costume monstrocities lies soley on Joel Schumacher. Since Batman Forever, nippled costumes have become the laughing stock of superherodom, going as far to being parodied in Watchmen film. Sure we got a nippled batgirl out of the deal, but was that really worth seeing bat-boobs and a Robin-rack? Of course not. Whether it's to be more anatomically correct or to make them look like Greek Gods, nipples have no place on the Batsuit.
4) Hoods
Even more so than nipples, hoods have absolutely no place on a hero's costume. Masks are good for keeping identities secret, helmets are good for keeping heads out of harms way, but Hoods? A hood won't stop a baseball bat to the face, and in the wrong situation, it could easily be pulled over your face, blocking your vision and probably allowing your enemy to give the final and blow.
3) Leather/Latex
While it may look sleek and sexy, leather and latex are possibly the worst material a super-suit could be made of. It's tight and allows limited movement, plus it allows very little breathing room, which means it gets hot fast. Plus its noisy as Hell, so unless you want the squeaking being made by your gaint jiggly boobs that all superheroines are required to have giving away your location, stay away from latex and leather.
2) Skimpy Outfits
While thongs and bras that are two times smaller than what you should be wearing may distract theives and murders for a enough time for you to kick their ass, wearing clothes that only cover 10% of your body isn't the most practical costume to wear. One shot that's well placed pointed in your general direction could easily kill you if the only protection (and I use that lightly) over your no-no's. Even worse is if you manage to whore it to the max and wear high heels and hoop earings with your thongs and bras. As long as you're wearing high heels, any villain who has mastered the art of fast walking can easily escape your grasp. And don't even get me started on hoop earings. Just one hand-to-hand tumble and you can kiss your ear lobes goodbye. Not to mention how completely unprepared you'll be when your revealing costume is deemed obsolete while fighting a gay or another woman who'll most likely be wearing something equally skimpy... so at least you'll be an equal match there).
1) Capes
Have you seen The Incredbiles? That movie should be a required watch for anyone breaking into the hero business, for one reason only: It shows the failure that is superheroes who wear capes. Capes have no purpose whatsoever (unless your Batman, and that didn't even make sense until we saw Batman Begins). Superman doesn't need that cape and neither does Captain Marvel. Any mortal who wears a cape stands a chance of being sucked into airplane jet engines (thanks, Incredibles) or pulled over a hero's head (similar to the hood). Really, a cape can be used against our heores more than it would actually serve them... and there is no point in actually wearing your weakness on your body.
Michael Lee is a writer for Nerdism Comics, and is too busy downloading the new iOS 4 for his iPhone to come up with something witty for this closer. You can write to him at Nerdismcomics@yahoo.com
